Triple Threat??

Just a quick question for media gurus out there. In order to be classified as a triple threat, is it not a requirement that one is actually good at all 3 celebrity outlets? I am referring specifically to one former child of destiny. Apparently, in December she will be dropping a video, movie AND clothing line. And so she is now referred to as a triple threat. But here's the thing, homegirl can't act. Not at all. In fact, I vaguely remember critics lowering the number of stars the Austen Powers movie received because of her bad bad acting.

And, about the clothing line. Does she have any hand in designing it a la Sean John, or is she just signing her name a la what I suspect the Olsen twins are doing. Things that make you go hmmm...

Young'ns

There is a new island policy re: young'ns. From henceforth, I am choosing to give the young bucks a chance; but only to a certain point, of course. I've been reviewing the guys I've been interested in in the past couple years. During this review, I observed that I have had quite the habit of being into the guys that are adorably young. Grant it, I haven't been at risk of catching any cases (read: statutory rape). But, they have been as many as 2-3 younger. Sadly, they've also worked my nerves with their decor, BUT I figure this is probably going to be resolved in the next couple years.

Ok, so I have to try to be less condescending and more patient with regards to dress code and alcohol banners. (Challenging in and of itself). But otherwise, the young bucks have actually been more attentive and polite than the older ones. For example, opening car doors, returning phone calls, and general niceness. All good things.

In an unrelated note, there has been a permanent eviction of the ex (yeah that one) from the island. It's for real this time. Any sightings should be reported immediately to island security.

As if I needed another reason

This week has given me another reason not to move back to my hometown. Don't get me wrong. I do heart the Mil. And frankly, (to quote a particularly articulate friend of mine) it's home, and that's all it ever has to be. (I'm ignoring the insulting remarks made by people who've never been here, such as "if you live in milw, who's going to visit you?" Well, if people are too shallow to come visit me once in a while, and they don't live somewhere fabulous themselves to warrant that fact, then they can kiss my john brown hind parts thankyouverymuch).

Rant aside, I don't want to move back home because I don't know that many people here. I'd have to start building a social network all over again. And that is just a huge all-encompassing chore that I'm not really willing to undertake. At least if you're new in town you can accomplish this task a little bit more easily. But when you have a small group of frirneds, you sort of get stuck in a rut. A rut I am currently experiencing and am none-to-pleased about.

At any rate. I think I'm just bitter because I'm on vacation and in on a bar night. I have absolutely no one else I can call to go out with. People are either sick or just not returning calls or just not going out. Argh. I am ready for that fabulous and exciting life that everyone promised me. 25 is not turning out to be the fantastic year turnaround I'd hoped for. :\

Old Enough to Know Better

In 8.5 hours I will officially be old enough to know better. But as an acquaintance told me, I don't look a day over 21, so if anyone asks, tomorrow is my 21st birthday. Actually, I grew up around women who never concealed/altered/or really showed much interest in their age other than it being a mere number. I think I will likewise follow suit. (However, I see no reason for full disclosure unless asked first.)

Anyway, the sad part about celebrating this milestone is that it's quite anti-climatic. I mean really, what kind of party can you expect when the party of the century was thrown a mere 10 days earlier. Graduating from law school and sharing the immense joy and relief that goes with it eclipses and trumps a birthday by far. To paraphrase Seinfeld: all I did was not die for another year. (Shout out to God for keeping me alive and such).

I think it may be time to implement my five year plan, however. I'm finished with school, so I officially plan to start having a big-girl life. I have no idea what that entails, however. I imagine I should figure that out in the next few hours, but I've perfected the art of procrastination. Why should I waste that talent?

I would like to tentatively put on the 5 year plan an attempt @finding a man that doesn't irritate me; and hopefully one that I can tolerate long enough to actually date for a significant amount of time. I'd rather not be dateless at the inevitable barrage of weddings that are soon to come. I expect at least 2 wedding invitations in the coming year. And my older friends tell me it only gets worse from there. Arrgh. Although, that does mean wedding cake. Mmmmm wedding cake.

I once heard about a wedding that didn't have cake. They had pie instead. TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE! And I once went to a wedding where the daughters from the previous marriage had made the cake. EQUALLY UNACCPETABLE! Hear ye, hear ye: An official island proclamation. If you're inviting me to a wedding, there'd better be cake. Store-bought cake people. What kind of mickey mouse operations are you inviting me to? And for the record, I'm fine with grocery store cake. In fact, I heart grocery store cake greatly. But do not, do NOT, attempt to pass off Betty Crocker or a kringle or freakin' blueberry pie as an appropriate nuptial dessert. A violation of this proclamation will result in a supremely hideous and/or cheap gift. FYI. Write that down.

Psuedodate

Remember aforementioned guy, who asked me out, who was meant to be mere entertainment for a little while. Well, he is far more confusing than entertaining. I have had a total of 2 pseudodates with this guy (hence where he obtained his nickname) and 0 actual dates. Let me explain...

Our first meeting was at a coffee shop, where he and I agreed to meet so he could give me the tickets to the party he was throwing. So, we met up, stayed and chatted for about an hour, etc. But this isn't technically a date right? Even though he did invite me to lunch with friends he was meeting up with. But still not a real date.

Second meeting occurs after he completely flaked on the graduation party AND a promise to call me the very next day. (I ended up busting him at a bar, and it was especially hysterical because he actually kept cursing himself for forgetting.) Anyway, so second meeting actually started out as a date. He invited me to his place to cook me dinner. When I call to ask for directions, he informs me that he invited another friend over too. Turning an actual date into a pseudodate.

On top of it all, he's actually not all that exciting. Speaks very highly of himself and is young. So young that he's got a Bacardi banner in his apt. (Eye roll). I was condescending when I pointed it out, I realize. But still, why do you have a Bacardi banner in your apt? Or a flag of a pot leaf in your bedroom while I"m at it. Yargh. I think I may be rid of this guy before June.

Was I thinking at all?!?

It rained for about 3 weeks straight here. Ok, I'm exaggerating, but there was at least 5 straight days of rain. And that got me to thinking: at what point during 2nd semester did I have a personality transplant? On what planet did I think it was a good idea for me to move to Seattle? Granted, I only gave it a hot minute's worth of thought, but still. It really didn't deserve that much consideration! Seriously! I HATE RAIN! And it rains 2 out of 3 days in Seattle. Therefore, under no circumstances should I live there. Get outta here! Yeesh.

This certainly isn't the first time I've had a "what was I thinking?" moment. But honestly, this may be the most extreme case I've ever had. Clearly the stress of law school and graduation was getting to me. But, I'm happy to report that I have had a return of my senses. (Thank goodness).

Now, where was I...

Ah yes. Graduation. The sister I never wanted, but never knew I needed drove up from IA to be my mom's official photographer and get inducted into the biological family. She arrived on Thurs night, and the shenanignans began even earlier than anticipated:

We went to get sushi mere minutes after her arrival. However, shortly after arrival, we witnessed an attempted burglary. (Not to be confused with a robbery, which involves weapons). Ok, so we didn't actually witness the attempted theft. All we saw was a slight scuffle, with a guy yelling "you owe me a refund!". Followed by one of the cooks putting him in a sleeper hold. We were huddled in a 2 inch corner, trying to avoid becoming collateral damage. In the end, nothing was actually damaged, the resto got the money back, and the guy waited calmly until the police came to arrest him. He even politely let us pass when we needed to get out of our corner. It was a very strange experience.

Ok, after that, things went smoothly. We had good times at the graduation and the dinner. Followed by a sweet night at Mondays on Saturday night. Saturday night actually started out fairly slow, but then the Blue Steel bartenders kept feeding us free shots. Three shots in 30 minutes makes for a night of drunk dials and taking pictures with random people.

All in all, a darn good time!

Lots of Changes

Well, stuff has actually been happening lately. Namely, I graduated baby! The ceremony was nice, all though some of the speeches made me do a head tilt. I was, however, distracted for most of the time because I was busy worrying about where I'd last had my right earring. Now, losing an earring is not normally a traumatic experience, except I'd worn these for precisely 2 hours and 3 minutes. However, they were eventually found -- in the backseat of my car of all places. I suspect it fell out of my ear and into my car when I had to run back and grab my wayward tassle. Anyway, the panic subsided shortly after finding the earring. And so I was able to shake my groove thang calmly at the graduation party.

.

Ok, I hafta go get ready for my date. To be continued....

eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness! It's finally hit me, in a good way. I'm graduating on Friday. FRIDAY! Do you know when Friday is? It's 4 days from today. It's the end of THIS WEEK! EEEEEEEEEEE!

Night Out

So last night, I amused myself by going out to The Climax -- a party hosted by the gentlemen of Alpha Phi Alpha. I must say it was generally enjoyable. Although, there was an incident.

So, I go to the dance floor with another girl to get our groove on. As we're out there, she's approached by a guy that she knows. She proceeds to introduce us. Anyway, he's talking some trash about how we thundercats don't know about it. Apparently he's older than your average undergrad. So, to prove that I know all about the dance, I proceed to show my prowess on the dance floor...and then get left by the girl that introduced us. Which was ok, not like she left the building or anything.

Anyway, we're dancing. And "Check Up On It" comes on, and I am all kinds of excited. As I shake my groove thing, he not-at-all discreetly examines my groove thing. Complete with commentary "aww, let me see it, let me take a look." To be fair, I was being obnoxious about imitating the dance in the video, and so I found his comment less insulting and more funny. Then we continue to dance, and OH MY GOODNESS is he really attempting to touch my, oh no wait, he's just tall and didn't realize that he nearly touched my. Ok, I"ll just put my hands in my pockets to keep him from getting confused, OH MY GOODNESS you simply canNOT make that same mistake twice. Who does he think he is? Is there a sign up that requests gratuitous groping of my puhbic area? And why aren't you as smart as Pavlov's dogs, you keep reaching even though you keep getting blocked you not-so-sly like the jungle cat sexual harasser. Oh thank goodness, here comes some guy that wants to talk to him, I see my escape. Oh crap, he caught me. "I need to go check on my girl, I'll be right back" (In a pig's eye I will).

Then it's the end of the night, and do you know he asked for my phone so he could put his number in it? (After more gratuitous and all around sleazy touching -- this time limited to my midsection). Yeah. Right. Sure. I'll "scream" at you alright. Uh huh. riiiiiiiiiight. Wonder if he's holding his breath?

Frangelico

If I may rip off an advertisement: Fate is what happens when the unexpected becomes pleasurable. I had a weekend of fate this past weekend.

The last few days have been filled with unexpected pleasures. On Friday, I went out with a couple girls for a night on the town. What started out as a slow night at a restaurant-cum-bar-at-night ended up being a flirty night at a day of the week bar. The second bar is known for serving super-strong drinks cheaply. It is also a bar that I often end up being wingwoman extraordinare for my friends. On this particular night out, my friend said she wanted to see me approach a guy. (I'm not entirely sure why, but whatever). Apparently, my previous wingwoman-ing doesn't count as approaching.

While we were standing about, drinking and people watching, we were approached by a rather persistent guy. Looks-wise, he could probably get an honorable mention, but was nothing to write home about. He was very talkative, however. He also gets the persistence award for tracking down my email address and asking me about my friend as a follow-up from Friday. While I was slightly creeped out (until I figured out he was also a student), I was impressed with his tenacity. He also had a friend, who shared a name with Superfly from two years ago. He also had an uncanny resemblance to Superfly. But for the fact that he was living in Madison and hadn't yet gone to grad school, I would have thought it was him. That was pretty eerie.

At the end of the night, I did end up approaching a guy. I use the term "approaching" loosely. He was walking past and I made a smart-alecky comment. He must have been vaguely amused, because he made an appointment to continue our conversation post-bar run. Sadly, I was summoned to leave by my ride before he returned. I was kind enough to tell him that I was leaving, however, walking the 20 feet to the bar to say goodbye. Get this, I got a fundraising party invite for Thursday AND he asked for my phone number. Then he USED the phone number the very next day. Craziness! I haven't made the call as to where I stand with him. The conversation was fairly clever, but I haven't yet decided whether he can keep up with my sarcasm. Either way, I've got to shake him by the end of July, because I will be leaving, and I am in not in the market for a long-distance relationship with someone I just met....I tried that once, and it wasn't to great results. Incidentally, he has a faint resemblance to that very person I made that attempt with. Ha. Fate must be chuckling in amusement.

Joke of the Day, thanks to Mack the Knife

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Billy." "And what is your question, Billy?" "I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Just then the bell rings for recess.George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right question time. Who has a question?"Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve""And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, what the ---- happened to Billy?

Taking the Day off

Today is my first official day as a Law School Pre-Graduate. Yesterday was my last day as a law student. In an honorable twist, I gave a presentation for my last class, and managed to turn it into a class party. It was really quite exciting. Then, I went to the Terrace with some small group members, followed by dinner at a local Japanese restaurant. It was really nice to end the saga with the same people I started with.

So, this is what it feels like to be nearly done. I gotta admit, on one level, it is great. On another level, I'm a touch anxious. Graduation just leaves me closer to studying for the bar. And being this close to graduation and jobless means some serious upcoming anxiety. Couple that with the lack of love life (although preferable to figuring out post-move relationship it's still kinda sad not to have that someone to whine to) and the constant search for a great dress for graduation, and it's not so great. But, I vastly prefer this negated greatness to the thought of another year in school.

All in all, I think I deserve to take this sunny day off to bask in my limbo.

Gym Etiquette

When is it appropriate to dislodge a wedgie while at the gym? All this pumping iron and elliptical training is causing some serious creepage of my undies. Is it ok to dislodge said undies from my rear end while I am between sets? How about if I am on the elliptical trainer or the recumbent bike? No? Sad.

Usually, the only harm in picking one's arse is the risk of a potential hottie being grossed out. But, is this really a problem in the gym? I've noticed that men aren't so susceptible to flirting when they are mid-rep. So, what's the harm in a little undie shifting?

Ok, ok. There's always a risk. I guess that's life lesson of the day: When working out, always wear a thong.

Platonic Shifts

See what I did there? That was a play on words. I do not, in fact, want to discuss tectonic plates (ooooh, look at the middle school geology being put to use. Boy do I feel educated).

Instead, this is a commentary on my decision to stop with the category shifting. I don't know why I tend to fall into this so much, but I have (guy) friends, who then become more than friends, possibly boyfriends, then back to friends. Or even boyfriends that turn to ex's that turn to sorta friends and back to ex's. Really, these situations can go no where but bad. I cannot be the only person that suffers from this though. So the real question is, why does it happen? I have a few theories:

1. We are too lazy to invest the time and emotion into finding a new person to relate to.
2. We really aren't very good people and no one else wants to be our friend.
3. We are attempting to (re)kindle a relationship that was doomed from the beginning.
3.(a). We are attempting this (re)kindling because there is some sort of spark there, but the spark never catches fire.
4. I ADORE that commercial with the breakdancing worm by Visa. Not really a theory, but it was just on, and I got distracted.
5. We really don't have anything better to do with our time but get into the messiest relationship we can find.

So what can we learn from platonic shifts? Obviously we can't learn to do better, otherwise we would. And learning from our mistakes isn't working either. Therefore, I think we can just use it as an exercise in going with the flow and enjoying the good times while they last. I, of course, suck at that game. This may be why I keep shifting. *Note to self, learn lesson the first (or second, third, or fifth) time.

A public service announcement

This is just a note, to women everywhere.

1. A man is never going to chase you in his motorcycle, looking in every taxi until he finds you.
(How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days)

2. A man is never going to take you jetskiing on the Hudson River, take you to Staten Island, and show you your relative's signature....particularly if you're a descendant of slaves.
(Hitch)

3. A man is never going to write a book about you.
(The Best Man)

4. A man is never going to ride up on his horse in Central Park as you idiotically run into a stationary object, such as a lampost.
(Will & Grace)

5. A man is never going to rescue you from a tower that you're trapped in, which is guarded by a fire-breathing dragon...particularly if you are expecting reptile balloons afterwards.
(Shrek)

6. You will not have deja vu when you meet your next date, you have not seen him before, once upon a dream.
(Sleeping Beauty)

7. A man is not going to steal a priceless painting from a musuem just because you said you liked it on your first date.
(Thomas Crown Affair)

8. A man is not going to write a musical for you, as a guise for convincing the producer to fund the stage project.
(Moulin Rouge)

9. You will not get a date with the President of the United States just because you insulted him when you thought he wasn't in the room.
(The American President)
9.a. You may get a date with a guy who likes bossy women with this tactic, however. Of course, then you'd be stuck with a pushover.

10. A man is not going to fly to Paris to find you, while you're there at the behest of another man.
(Sex and the City)

11. Your prince is not coming. Not today, not tomorrow, not someday. Get over it and start looking for Mr. Right Now, Mr. Until Further Notice, and/or Mr. Space Holder.
(Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs).

There, now I've dispelled common movie myths. But, in spite of my cynicism (particularly re: true love and soul mates and all that), you should be aware that good fiction is based on reality....maybe there's hope after all.

Report on things

Things that have been said to me:
"But for that sweet sweet bod, we'd all think you were a dude."
"Nice legs, didn't know you had any."
Thanks? I think...

Things that are gross:
1. Finding a hair in your Arapaho Wrap
2. Finding a bug in your Hot Turtle
Incidentally, these are also things that happened to me in the last 7 days.

Things that are adventurous:
1. Riding your scooter with only 1 contact on.
2. Riding your scooter without your helmet.
Incidentally, these are also Things that I found out were adventurous this week.

Things that make me sad:
1. There's a kid that was quoted as saying "marriage is for white people."
2. There are tens of thousands more black men in prison than in college.
:(

Things that make me angry:
1. Gas is $2.79.
2. I spent $30+ filling up my gas tank.
Grr!!!

From the Mailbag

Dear Ambitious Brain,

I'm not sure what made you think that taking more than a few weeks off from the gym was a good idea. I'm not sure what made you think that suddenly deciding to go without consulting me first was a good idea. I am writing this letter to tell you that both were horrendous ideas.

I have quite enjoyed my time lounging on the couch, just as you have enjoyed watching cable. I didn't think it was the best use of my time, but I got kind of used to it. Your lack of planning does not, however, consititute an emergency on my part. Yes, you have suddenly decided that working out for lengthy periods of time is a good idea. Well screw you, my friend, I ain't in the mood. If you insist on continuing in this course of action, you will be punished. Enjoy not being able to walk, sucker.

Very truly yours,
Your Body

Well dang, what can I say to that but ouch?

An Endorsement

I have always said, that the rich are silly people...unless they grew up with moderate to low income first. Although that isn't always a guarantee either. ANYWAY...My new guilty pleasure is "The Real Housewives of Orange County." All this show does is prove just how silly the rich are. Some examples:
1. One of the women is putting "CZs" (that's cubic zirconias to you laypersons) in the rims of her truck. The rims which are already hot pink. The CZs are 100+ carats. Really? Can't you find something better to do with your money?
2. There is a guy who's name is Slade. He called his wife dumb and implied it was because she was from Peru. Hmmm. Your name is Slade and you stalked a potential customer while he was with his family at the local Equestrian Center. And your wife is dumb?
3. One of the women says she's going to stay 32 forever. Seriously, grow up. You're going to get old, get over yourself.

Idiots! FYI people, Common Sense is for rich people too. :)

My Irish Whiskey named friend

An away message that is funny to me -- even though they don't explain where my friend is...


"Sometimes I want to clean up my desk and go out and say, respect me, I'm a respectable grown-up, and other times I just want to jump into a paper bag and shake and bake myself to death."

Soooo true.