Torn or Multi-faceted?

I forget where I found the quote, but I loved it so I'm totally plagiarizing it...the as-yet-to-be-determined woman said she felt: torn between being a feminist and a stripper. High-five sister!

Ladies, let's be real, shall we? There is something rather awesome about feeling like the hottest woman in the room. A feeling that is usually preceded by teetering a pair of stupidly high stilettos such as these:

You know the type. The kind of shoes that hurt your feet like the dickens but the shapliness of your legs make the fire shooting up your shins completely worth it.

On the flipside there are times when it feels good to be a feminist. For instance, when you're proved right 90% of the time when having an argument with your husband/boyfriend/guy friend/brother. Or when someone underestimated you in the boardroom (or the courtroom) and you totally get your way. That feeling of total intellectual dominance is amazing.

Given my rather obvious obsession with football...I'll spare you any feminist references to watching football. But suffice it to say that if being a feminist means watching football, than sign me up!

What I don't understand? Why must a woman choose one or the other? Who said a woman can't be a stripper and a feminist? And for that matter, who says stripping isn't a form of feminism? Don't get me wrong, I totally get the objectifying a woman can be degrading and blah blah blah. But, if men are just that easily distracted by a coupla tassles and shiny sparkly platforms, what could possibly have more of a feminist flair than using said sparkly-ness to get what you want? (Favorable outcome in negotiations, really big house, nice car...). Isn't the whole point to use ALL of your *ahem* assets to get what you want?

Pretty but smart

Today a Facebook friend posted the following link: http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/08/31/7539556-im-too-pretty-to-do-homework-so-my-brother-has-to-do-it-for-me?fb_ref=.Tl5qAik5Gzg.like&fb_source=other_multiline

For those who aren't going to click on the link, it's an article about a t-shirt that JCP put out for little girls that said "I'm too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me." I, for one, found the tshirt hilarious. But my Facebook friend (along with others) was appalled. So many people were appalled that JCP quickly pulled the shirt and offered an apology for being offensive. Later, I was discussing the shirt with kae.dea, and I told her how it made me giggle. She pointed out that it is funny for an adult because you're old enough to know that it's meant to be a joke, and that pretty and smart are not mutually exclusive. She also pointed out that little girls begin to decline academically around 4th and 5th grade when they find out it isn't cool to be smart. And this is the point that I could have been knocked over with a feather. What's this nonsense about not being able to be pretty and smart at the same time? Who the hell is teaching this BS?? Ok pause for a second. I'm not living under a rock. I'm totally familiar with the concept of pretty but dumb (useful for boys and girls, frankly.*) But, I've never been made aware of the fact that you can't be pretty AND smart. I definitely missed the memo on this. Grant it, as kae.dea says** my obliviousness to this phenomenon may have something to do with my sassy and smart mother.

When I was growing up, it was a given that I would keep my prettily powdered nose in a book. I would never EVER leave my house lookin' a hot mess, and the only place I'd be headed would be school or an extracurricular activity. It was a given that I'd be a cutie -- my mother had so many outfits that her auntie that babysat me would change my clothes halfway through the day. (She bought all the cute little dresses and bobby socks BEFORE ever knowing what I'd look like). When I was old enough to talk, stand, and point, I started learning to read. When I was old enough to learn and use the concept of charm, Ma entered me in Miss America Princess pageants.***

Later in life, I wasn't on anybody's top 10 list of hot girls in school. (Although that may have had more to do with how beauty was defined where I went to school, rather than how I looked). But goodness knows I still tried to look at least halfway decent and somewhat fashionable. Also? It's not like I went to a school where it was particularly cool to be smart. But, no one made fun of kids for being smart -- it was being smart AND dorky that was the problem. If you were smart and charming, or smart and pretty, or smart and kicked serious Mario Bros/Sonic the Hedgehog ass, you were in. Frankly, anything went when it came to making fun of people. Being too smart, too stupid, ugly, ditzy, wrong race, wrong religion, ANYTHING went. Which is why, it was important to be the total package. Hot, awesome, charming, smart, and having a car. These were the sorts of things that girls needed to be. In my experience, pretty was only enough if the girl put out. But where does that get you other than knocked up?

So, rock on JCP. If a girl starts dumbing down because she thinks that people won't like her, well, I don't blame JCP on that one. Maybe you should've told the little girl that she needs to be a total package. Because all a pretty face really gets you is "in trouble." Side note? Those girls weren't the ones who got engagement rings or flowers sent to them in class either. Seriously, all they got was laid.

*See The Titan, "The Early Days; or The First Time We Dated"

**and I will surely never admit, lest pheebee's mom gets a big head about it

***No, I was NOT a toddler in a tiara. I was a grade-schooler in a tiara. And I got 4th place twice, Most Ticket Sales once, and I won talent and went to Nationals once. And what?

Think I'm Cute

Yesterday I was having lunch with a great friend of mine, and I was telling him about a couple girls with whom I generally don’t kick it anymore. His first response? “What is with you and girls not liking you?!!?!” Seriously! That’s a direct quote! Mind you, I hadn’t actually given him the full background or story on why I’m not seeing these chicks anymore, and I certainly didn’t say that it had anything to do with something I did. But, given his reaction, I never did get to complete the story…I needed to know who else doesn’t like me.

I love hearing gossip about myself. Usually, I find it hilarious. I love the inaccuracies, the half-truths, and the (mis)perceptions. Sometimes, it’s a learning moment, because I find out that I’m unintentionally giving off a certain vibe. And hearing about it helps me to correct it. (For instance, did you know I was stuck up in law school? Me neither!!). I’m quite certain that part of the reason my feelings aren’t hurt by the gossip and backbiting is because it hasn’t been particularly salacious gossip, nor has my reputation really been marred by the talking and sniping. My heart goes out to people who have had that problem.

My favorite type of comment -- and here’s where I circle back to my friend’s comment -- is that I “think I’m cute.” Apparently, there’s a group of women with whom I spend nanoseconds of time throughout the year, who are convinced that I “think I’m cute.” Here’s my question: why is this an insult? I mean, call me crazy, but aren’t the people who don’t think they’re cute far more annoying? Nothing will ruin a night quicker than being out with your girl, and having to constantly reassure her that the outfit she picked is cute and she looks great, and blah blah blah. Or, the people that constantly fish for compliments? How exhausting is that?!? And yet, these chicks are adamantly opposed to the fact that I don’t do any of these things. And the real kicker? They’re offended because I wear heels. OMG! A short girl who wears heels on a near constant basis! How dare I?!?!

As a really good girlfriend of mine (the designer) says, “of course I think I’m cute. What else would I think? That I’m hideous? Of course not. That would be ridiculous.” And, I’m going to add to that…because I think I’m cute, I’m going to dress myself accordingly. And since I watch What Not to Wear religiously, and pay attention when Clinton & Stacy are talking, I’m also going to know exactly which outfits to choose, to optimize my cuteness. And finally, to raise the level of fabulosity, I’m going to work on the areas I don’t like. Maybe instead of being all offended by how cute I think I am, why don’t you try looking at yourself in the mirror, and calling yourself the fairest of them all? Honestly? Maybe if you didn’t have your face all screwed up in that sourpuss expression, you’d think you were cute too. Just sayin’.

Turns out I have a lot of friends with thoughts on this subject matter. The Sailor/Officer says that people who are insecure are offended by other’s confidence. (Too bad for them.) My Ex used to say “I’m not conceited, I’m convinced.” Pastor Hannah says “with favor come haters.” To all of them I say, rock on. I am loving that I surround myself by an entire group of people who think they’re cute. If you don’t fall into that category, what on earth are you doing in this circle? Get on our level, mkay? Kthxbye.

Think I’m cute indeed. Funny – it probably wouldn’t bother girls nearly as much if their men didn’t agree. (Ok, that was catty. But it made me smile…)