You know your dress is too tight when...

This morning as I was getting dressed, I picked out a dress that had 3/4 length sleeves, a faux wrap, and a busy, but small print pattern (so as not to overwhelm my vertically-challenged frame).  It also has a narrow pencil skirt, of the variety worn by impossibly fit (or ridiculously skinny) women.  And, most importantly, it's made of stretchy material.

Anyway, I bought this dress at the height of my new level of awesome, and I was rocking it.  This was a mere 6-8 months ago, but since then, I've backslid a bit.  Admittedly, my backsliding has been a result of my inability to workout.*  But, my eating habits were not the sort which allow for time off from the gym. Short story long, this morning I had an extra 5-7 lbs to put in this dress. 

When I got dressed this morning, I spent about 5 minutes fretting over the fact that the dress was a bit...um...tight.  I thought it was hugging** my arse a bit snugly.  I also was concerned that the soft mounds it formed to were located in the thigh/hip region, rather than the much more desirable region above my waist.  But, I was running late, and I couldn't think of a better alternative.  So off we went.

Well, I get to work, and I have had no less than three confirmations that my suspicions were correct.  First, when I was walking out of the lobby to make a 'bux run, I heard the security guard behind me go "mm, mm MM!!!".  You know the sound I'm talking about...the sort one makes when they see something and they just can't believe it?  Usually reserved for kiddie shenanigans, REALLY good cake, and the like.  Well, THAT'S the reaction I got from the ...ahem... rear view.  I told him that he needed to remember that when thinking makes noise, it's talking.  And then I proceeded to back out of the door, to prevent additional commentary.  When I got to 'bux, the cashier that's had a crush on me for 3 years slipped me a freebie.  Which, is nothing unusual.  Then he came around the other side of the counter, where I was waiting for a drink.  He asked the (white) guy standing next to me if they could switch spots, so that he could "stand and have that view."  ACK!  The (white) guy had on sunglasses, but now I'm pretty sure he had been ...ahem...checking my outfit for a VPL***, shall we say.  (Here is where my internal monologue began.  "Aw hell..." I thought to myself).  Finally, as I am walking red-faced, and hurriedly back to my office, I see a (Latino) guy walking towards me.  I am 70% certain I read his lips to say "damn!!!", but it was under his breath so I can't be certain.  Right after that, I got a smile/nod/"hi!" combo.  (And the internal monologue continued...@#$*@#$&@#*&@*$@!!!!!!  Not wearing this &@#$&@ dress again until I hit the gym!!). 

Listen, compliments appreciated, but when 4 different men of 3 different races are making similar comments; I'm pretty sure that my conclusion about the fit of this dress is spot on.  Goodness knows they weren't observing how well I accessorized, using a minor color, or that I emphasized the dress by wearing a neutral tone shoe.  Just sayin'.


*By the way?  I can't stress the importance of foam rolling.  Had I heeded my personal trainer's warning back in April, I wouldn't have gotten myself injured.  Necessitating 16 visits (or more) to a physical therapist, to strengthen my over-used IT band.  (And, as a result, take 5 months off from running, and 2 months off from working out altogether).

**And by hugging, I mean, hanging on for dear life

***VPL:  visible panty line

Underneath Your Clothes....

It's no secret that when women get all decked out from head to toe -- in a fly outfit, with matching accessories and perfect shoes -- they are just dressing for other women. At the end of the day, when a gal is looking the bomb-diggity, the boys notice that she looks nice, the girls notice the outfit. And, I think most women are comfortable with this.

As a former Sales Specialist at Victoria's Secret, there was also fashion to be had when it came to the unmentionables. We had matching bra and panty sets, lace, microfiber, cotton, t-shirt, neutrals, brights, the whole nine. And while there may not have been accessories, we certainly sold them as though they were another layer of accessories. Which is what led me to today's question: who cares?!! Allow me to explain.

As we've already established, when you're wearing a kick-ass outfit, other fashionable ladies will notice and admire as appropriate. But...those same ladies are not seeing your unmentionables.* When I was working @VS, I almost never heard a guy say how much he liked the colors and sets. They really just came in looking like lost lambs and buying whatever we told them. The only thing I ever heard a guy say was "man, that'd look nice on the floor next to my bed."**

On a related note, there is a scene in Bridget Jones' Diary where she is trying to decide what kind of underwear to wear. She has the option to put on the industrial strength Spanx -- which make her look slim and trim (and will ultimately lead to a guy wanting to find out what's under her clothes) OR she can put on the pretty little things (which look good when undressed, but does not help her look hot while dressed). It's a dilemma I'm sure every woman has faced at least once in her life. So what's a girl to do? I say, bump the fancy! Why are the girls wearing all of these silly lacy things? Why bother? And don't give me this "I wear it for myself" nonsense. No you don't. There is a direct correlation between fancy and discomfort. If you're going to be uncomfortable, throw on the industrial-strength Spanx. You might as well look good for the girls (aka the gender who cares) and then later on assume the boy is enjoying the fact that they got you naked at all (without regard to which unmentionables are on the floor next to his bed. HA).

*And before you say it, this holds true even if you're a lesbian. Unless you're some kind of crazy slut, best case scenario, you're only showing your unmentionables to 1 woman on any given day. If you are running about flashing the world, well then, I need to hang out with you! Your life sounds WAY more exciting than mine!!!

**Yes really. And yes, it was a guy I was dating at the time.

Fashionable Observations

I've been keeping an eye on fashion trends lately, and it's looking like long and lean (twiggy) is slowly sneaking back into the ready-to-wear consciousness. Lately, the spring preview has been showing a lot of drop-waist dresses, horizontal stripes, and shift dresses. Typically, these styles are meant for tall, leggy, straight up and down type of chicks. Well, I guess they were tired of being left out of the fashion-forward trends. Welcome to the party our curve-challenged sisters!

Now, as for the rest of the trends, spring preview is also showing a lot of wedges. And they are craaaaazy. Bold prints and colors aren't just for shirts anymore. And while I'm on the subject, bold colors are everywhere! Similar to a few years ago when I'd officially reached my fed up point with neutral-toned pants (circa 2003-2004), colorful pants are moving into spring. Mostly, I've seen them in skinny jeans only. I find this puzzling, since it will be way too hot to wear tall boots to go with them. I think this may be a skinny girl only trend, but I have been proven wrong on this point before. Let's just leave this in the TBD column.

All of the colors and trends are looking fabulous. Some of the staples that we loved over the past couple years are staying in: flirty dresses, maxi dresses, and color blocking. Sweet!

Sadly, I'm on a self-imposed shopping hiatus. It was torture living through clearance sale season. And now, awesome fashion trends that I'm itching to try are going to go right past me. Sonuva!! Listen, somebody head out and do some shopping so I can live vicariously through you, ok? Kthxbye!!

Decorating Time

I have an amazing friend who can turn any squalid studio into a chic urban loft. Jade is the type of chick who paints, faux finishes, and treats the walls of her rented space, just because she has to live there.* It's a trait that is nothing short of awesome. She has a million different service pieces, holiday gear, wall art, dishes, glasses, centerpieces, you name it! After a gathering at her space, I'm always inspired to go do something grand.

I, however, am not a decorating guru. I always find it difficult to muster up the excitement or motivation to turn my single gal's home into a festive space for holidays. When I go to department stores, the floor displays are always so well put together. The displays scream "Buy Me! Buy Me! If you do you will have fabulous dinner parties where people have a ripping good time and engage in all kinds of tomfoolery!!" They whisper to me about my hostess skills, the dinners I'll cook, the desserts I'll bake! Everything coming together and my guests being thoroughly wowed. There are displays for spring, summer, autumn, winter, and all the holidays that fall in those seasons. Visions of seasonally appropriate menus begin to dance in my head. But, I know full well that I have no such dinner parties. My cooking skills, while not sad, are not epic. There is no long guest list of people beating down my door to get invited to a shindig. And frankly, I don't have enough seating for a huge gathering. Where do these displays think I live? The 'burbs? HA! There is no good reason for me to run about buying autumn paraphernalia if I'm the only one who is going to be looking at it!

Ironically, I have oodles of willpower when it comes to home fashion trends, despite their inherent practicality. I have no such strength when it comes to the changing fashions. Could it be true that I am only motivated to participate in important trends if I think other people are looking? I should hope not! I am of the belief that you should (and your home!!) look good even if no one is looking!

Ok people, let's get it together. *Clap Clap!* Hence forth, all areas of our lives shall exude fabulous -- not just when the potential for seeing someone is high. Let's do it. Ready.....Break!

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*I like to think she does to her home what Stacy London does to casual outfits. Just because it's cas' doesn't mean it shouldn't be fabulous!

Silver Lining and all that

Given that I am ever the optimist, I try to find the bright side of things. (No seriously! Ok, not really.) Recently, I rediscovered one of my favorite silver linings, and I thought I'd share.

Ending a relationship is always a tough thing. There is a period of sadness and mourning that inevitably follows. And I don't know about you, but it seems to me that the shorter the relationship, the longer my mourning period.*

But, after you mourn and contemplate and do whatever it is you do to get over a man,** a bright side will emerge. Yesterday, I came across one of the best break-up benefits EVER! I found a pair of pajama pants that the young blood left at my house. I was just lounging about the house, maxing and chillaxin', enjoying the holiday off. They were soooooo comfortable. I can't say that I looked great in them; but I've learned something over the years***. Men find women sexiest when they are au naturel. No make-up, loose sweats, and a tank top. The relaxed and comfy look will do just as much as the dominatrix, lacy, Vicki's not-so-secret Secrets look. (Of course, maybe it's just easier to take off and that's why men like it).

Over the years, I've collected quite a few ex-boyfriend clothing items. T-shirts, pajama pants, an AWESOME flannel shirt from the Ninja. It's been great! I am still searching for the holy grail of ex-clothing...I gotta get myself an awesome sweatshirt from one of the basketball player guys. I think men are on to us now though...the sweatshirt is soooooo hard to come by.


*It took me a couple weeks to get over the young blood from the southside. We dated for 6 months. Astro? I'm pretty sure it took a good year -- and we dated for 3-4 months. WTH?!

**Including getting under a new one. :)

***Bonus bright side!

You entitled little...!*#$=^

In May, SiQ let me try on her new sunglasses. They're polarized and they're fabulous. I put them on while in Vegas, and they changed my life. There are times when no matter the tint, the sunglasses still aren't enough to block out the brightness that is the sun. And given my general opposition to wrinkles, I try to avoid squinting. Polarized lenses are a great weapon in the fight against crows' feet.

Anyway, I began my search for a new pair of sunglasses a few weeks ago at the outlet mall. And you know what I discovered? Polarized sunglasses are freakin' expensive. For a girl who usually purchases sunglasses on sale at the likes of Kohls' and Ann Taylor Loft, making the leap to triple digit prices was more than a little sticker shock. The prices were so unexpected that I'm pretty sure I suffered from PTSD just from looking at the price tags. But, I would press on -- given the inevitable hole in the ozone layer + global warming + every other planetary problem, it's only a matter of time before leaving the house without polarized lenses will lead to an instant combustion of eyeballs.

Given my talent for shopping, I eventually found a pair of sunglasses that were polarized and on sale:

They also didn't break the bank.

I ALSO found a pair that were to die for. Totally squee worthy:

But alas, to get both cost an arm and a leg. Frankly, the squee-worthy pair cost an arm by themselves. So, they would ultimately remain at the store.

Anyway, I found myself back there today to pick up the cheaper pair (at the top). While I was there, I found another pair (cheaper than the to die for ones, but still pretty neat.)

While I was shopping today, the sales associate was a cute little guy. He had a baby face (he was 26); and clearly bored as I was the only person in the store. He spent most of the time that I was in the store flirting, and dropping silly compliments. (Are you really 30?! Really?!!? Are you screwing with me? You only look like you're in your mid-20s). Ok, not that I have a problem with light compliments or a little flirting -- it was all in good fun! But I wasn't really that into him. What I was hoping for was a discount after all of the "witty" banter.

You know what I got after all of that? I got a young guy asking for my phone number. And, I paid the same price for the glasses any other shopper would have paid. Which, I guess is ok. But where the eff is my discount?! Can a girl get 10% off? (Y'all know I asked!!)

Anyway, a moment of self-realization occurred after I left the store. I realized I was one entitled b*tch when I sent the followin text message: "Also? If one more sales associate flirts with me w/o giving me a disc, I'm going off"

Meh. To know me is to love me :D

So, what say you, readers? Which pair of sunglasses should I get?

Hairy Eyeballs.

Every night, I wash my face with facial cleanser. Twice a week, I exfoliate with a gentle Clinique wash. All of this in addition to whatever else I'm doing in the shower. When I get out of the shower, I brush my teeth, floss, and then rinse with Scope, Crest mouthwash, or Listerine (whichever was on sale). Then, it's back to facial care. I follow it up with an age-defying night cream, and every other day, Clinique Even Better.

Come morning time (after a regular toothbrushing, of course), I put on SPF 15 containing face "Uplifting" cream. Only to be followed by Anti-Ageing primer (which smells like oranges). This is before the makeup routine even starts. When it's time to start the war paint, I prep with Urban Decay Eyeshadow Potion. Followed by SPF15 liquid foundation, Mineralize powder, blush, shadow, eyeliner, and mascara. And then, and only then, can I actually leave the house.

Here's my question: Who decided what the definition of beauty. Certain things make sense. Blush, I get, because color in the cheeks is a sign of health. And even-ing out the skin tone with foundation I get, because symmetry is apparently scientifically attractive. And if you consider eyeshadow merely an accessory, then it's always fun to play with color. (And who doesn't love an excuse to coordinate yet another aspect of an outfit?)

But, when did we decide that hairy eyeballs is beautiful? I mean really, I love the look of long dark eyelashes, but what purpose does mascara truly serve? And, for the record, I have yet to hear a man say "she has beautiful eyelashes." And, if we're making hairy eyeballs beautiful, then why is a bald forehead beautiful? We've moved from plucking to waxing to threading. And, you know what? All of them are painful! For what possible purpose are we removing forehead hair? And don't even get me started on leg-shaving or bikini waxing!!!

All of that, and those are only surface changes. There are women who will go under the knife in the name of beauty. This isn't a post about body dysmorphia and that ilk. I get that there are women who have been screwed in the head by a zillion different outside (and inside) influences. My question stems more from the definition of surface beauty. The little things that women do to themselves in order to look prettier. Is the benefit from the additional pretty disproportionate to the amount of pain in the arse suffered? If I was going to guess, my answer would be yes.

I like to tease 2DP...that the only reason he ever does anything (workout, wear cologne, drive a nice car...) is to get women. A fact he more or less admits. But, the things women do aren't really impressing most men. (See above-mentioned note re: long eyelashes). So why are women going through all of this work to impress each other, when we know full well how much pain it causes? I propose a movement -- the 5 minute face will be a 5 minute face INCLUDING prep time. From now on, Project Make-up Optional should be exercised more often.

It Girl Out

So, I have finally used up the last of my perks from when I was the It Girl. On Sunday, I used my gift card to the fancy schmancy shoe store.

Officially, I have purchased the most expensive shoes I've ever owned (boots notwithstanding). Grant it, I didn't pay full price out of my own pocket. But, I was hesitant to buy them anyway. Something about spending that kind of money on a pair of shoes that I will likely wear maybe 4 times just seems outrageous. For the record, they were $130 + tax. I had a gift card for $100 and then a $10 frequent shopper discount. (No, I'm not a frequent shopper, but they gave it to me anyway).

But here's the thing. People spend this kind of money on shoes all the time. Grant you, they are super cute. But why oh why are you spending $130 on a single pair of platform hot pink sandals? Admittedly, they are super comfortable. Maybe if they turn out to be as comfortable as tennis shoes, I'll figure out why they're worth $130.

Year of the Gentleman

Ne-Yo has a new album out, titled Year of the Gentlemen. He is getting quite a bit of buzz for several of the songs on this album. Part of the publicity found its way into my favorite commuter newspaper by way of an interview with Ne-Yo. The interview was all about Ne-Yo's classic Rat-Pack-esq sense of style. In his (humble) opinion, he believes a mans suit should create the male hourglass. What most people call the "V" shape.

I gotta say, I completely agree with Ne-Yo and I appreciate his sense of style. For those who don't really follow R&B, his sense of style is reminiscent of Frank Sinatra. Fedora, cocked to the side, a nice suit, tie, and wingtips. Insert sigh here. I wish more men dressed like Ne-Yo.

Obviously, I don't expect men to wear a suit all the time. I just love a man that's put together well. There's nothing like a man in a nice pair of jeans, fashion tennis shoes, and a well fitting tshirt. Insert another sigh here. Where are the men that dress like that??

For the record, the hot restaurant manager had a nice flair. And, by the way, he emailed me twice(!) asking for the address of the party. I'm wondering if he is perhaps a little frantic about it. But he said he's bringing friends. We just won't tell him that it's my friends house. For all he knows, it's a man's house. :)

A small taste

I've been given a small taste of the good life. Last week I purchased a fabulous coat from the Michael Kors Outlet. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it! Seriously, the coat itself is fabulous. But more importantly, it looks fabulous on me! Arrogance aside, I really like how it feels on. And, I like how I feel in it.

Something about the "high-end" fashions have changed my opinion. I used to think that the name-brand fashions were mostly just paying for labels. I still feel that way, but I'm changing. There's something to be said for wearing a $300 coat....of course, there's a lot more to be said when you're wearing a $300 coat that you totally stole from the outlet store for no where near that price.

Ultimately, maybe it isn't that I am changing my mind about brands. I think I've actually always liked them. But what I truly like are clothes that fit fabulously, make me feel fabulous, AND I got at an awesome deal on. Phew! And I was worried that I'd become a brand whore. ;)

Shame on you girlie

Ok. I am officially going on record as being a part of the problem in terms of the women's movement. Today, I was told that martamack's partners had my res, but had yet to do anything about it. Then he told me that one of them thought I was more than average looking. (Seriously, it wasn't in those words, but the way he put it I sounded like something this side of a girl next door). Anyway, so I decided to do some mathematics in my head. I'm heading to court tomorrow, in front of aforementioned partners who are currently interviewing, and I made the absolutely CONSCIOUS decision to wear a skirt suit rather than a pants suit tomorrow. Seriously. I'm actually going to play the womanly wiles card. Whether I'm successful or unsuccessful I have no idea. But the point is, I actually considered it fair game to try it. Yeah, I know. Shameful. And yet, I am totally and completely unapologetic about it.

Fashion Mini-Update

So, I have an update for the ladies out there. I've noticed a few things that have come up for spring. First, that awesome safari dress that I bought a couple years ago is going to fit right in this spring. The safari look is back. I've noticed quite a few patch pockets, khaki colors, and safari dresses making a comeback. I've also seen some new twists, such as suits with the patch pockets in the safari-khaki color (ATL), as well as rompers. I'm not sure about the romper look, as I've only seen it on tv models, so tbd on whether that will work for everyone.

Also, for casual-wear, evidently we're also looking to Africa for patterns, colors, and trims. Casual shirts are beaded, or have earthy patterns, or are in earthy colors.

On the flip side, the feminine look is back in. Good news for the boys! We're showing more of our feminine wiles next season. So, more frills, more skirts, and more frocks. Also, there are going to be a lot more fluttery materials. Jury's still out on this -- too many ruffles can go very very wrong. But, I'm pretty amped about the peasant-girl potential (just think how much more comfortable that would be!).

Once again, it looks like fashion really is for the masses these days. Offering complimentary, but different ends of the spectrum at the same time. Nice work fashion gods!

Crimes against Fashion

Yesterday, I saw the most atrocious outfit ever. Picture a swimsuit from the 1960s. You know, the kind they always show in the pictures from Miss America of yesteryear. They are essentially short shorts and a tube top all in one piece. Ok, now loosen that up. Now, picture the loose, swimsuit-like shape in white cotton with black polka-dots. And then, add a drawstring at the thigh, to adjust the outside of the shorts to be shorter than the inner-thigh side. And THAT, is the exact outfit I saw yesterday at the eL stop. And, in case you're wondering, there was no beach or gym anywhere near there. Not that this is where that chick was headed. Perhaps she was headed to the proverbial red-light district.

In other news, I've become a fashion hypocrite. I am loathed to admit it...but I had a moment of weakness. I've always thought that the short shorts (what my mom would call hotpants) worn out to the club was an odd choice. But then, I was having an excellent leg day, and so I decided to wear a pair of recently purchased hot pants, mimicking an outfit some unknown celeb had on in the RedEye. Anyway, I had the black hotpants, the black buttondown (worn unbuttoned down to there), and the fabulous gold and bronze shoes. And then I further accessorized with big gold earrings, gold and bronze bracelet, and a gold and black necklace. Then I wore the hair up.

In front of my trick mirror, I looked fabulous. Then, I walked outside, and thought "oh good heavens what have I done?!!? I sooooo do NOT have the legs for this!" My nervousness was further cemented by the catcalls I got from the hoodrats in the passing vehicles. But then, I remembered the book "Beautylicious" which said when you're wearing an outfit, do it with confidence. So I squared up my shoulders, and walked proud (while secretly hoping I didn't look like I was cheap and/or easy). When I finally got to the party, I got compliments from other chicks. Which is a clear indication that maybe I need to eat crow about the short shorts worn out for a night on the town.

Mothers Day

Happy Mother's Day pheebee's mom! Today was a classic Hallmark holiday, and my mom totally milked it for all it was worth. For the last few years, I've been allowed to give a simple card, sometimes flowers, but generally that's it. This weekend, however, pheebee's mom celebrated in style. There was breakfast after church on Sunday; then there was viewing the musical Chicago on Saturday, and shopping on Friday. It was good times had by all this weekend.

My mom is an excellent shopping buddy -- except when she's left to her own devices. However, she's not shy about telling you that something makes you look fat. In fact, sometimes she does it without anyone actually asking for her opinion. (And you wondered where I got that from).

Anyway, as I was saying, we were shopping on Friday, and we made a stop at Ann Taylor Loft, which may be my new official fave store (for work clothes). Ann Taylor Loft (n.k.a. ATL -- the good kind) must participate in vanity sizing. Have you heard about this? Stores and brands the fashion-world-over have taken to re-sizing their clothes, so women believe that they now wear a full size smaller. Women are so easily flattered -- they believe this even though they haven't seen the inside of the gym since those first 2 weeks of free membership.

Why do they do this, you ask? Because they can, and because it works! I can't tell you how many articles of clothing I've purchased because they were a full size smaller. (Yes, I am just that vain. Any inhabitant of the island should know this by now).

Aside from a fabulous purchase, (thanks to vanity sizing), I also met a fabulous sales associate, JanHan, and official new island inhabitant. Aside from having excellent taste in shoes and bags, she's a handbag designer. Now, I checked out the site where her handbags are sold, and I am giving it the pheebee endorsement. (I feel so cool for knowing a real designer -- other than the ninja). For those who are more into handbags than I, I recommend you proceed to this site (www.fashionflat.com) immediately. And I'm not just saying that, because, frankly, I'm not that nice. (Another fact island inhabitants probably already know). I particularly enjoy the striped shopper, but that's just me. You form your own opinions :). And no, there's no island discount. Cheapskates.