Can someone explain to me why, exactly, this sign is posted outside of McDonalds? Ah, the wonders of "suburban" Chicago never cease.
Posted by Hello

Another picture I took in Chicago. This one is for Tyler....Hello Gov'nor...
Posted by Hello

A picture I took in Chicago. A bit of an "I told you so" for my mom, and everyone else's parents like mine. :)
Posted by Hello

Compromise

If I can't have a boyfriend, can I have this?

Beauty and the Geek

Ok, wow. We, as a people, are very shallow. I don't think we should be ashamed of it. Just think, peacocks have pretty feathers, the robin has a red breast, doggies sniff, and the list goes on and on. So, what we do is preen by clothing. And might I just say, after watching this week's episode of "Beauty and the Geek" on the WB; I feel we should continue this custom.

Let's admit it. First impressions are everything. Furthermore, I don't care what we say about the importance of a person's personality....You just have to want to see that person naked before you care to find out about their personality. Sexual attraction is key. And clothes really do make the man.

Does this make us shallow? Of course. Does that make us terrible people? No. Just don't forget about everything that's important. Use it for first impressions ONLY! (Unless you have a REALLY REALLY good reason for placing more emphasis on looks -- wink).

Letters of Request, and the Response

To: The Board
From: pheebee
Re: Signage

Dear Distinguished Members of the Board,

I respectfully request the immediate removal of the sign which
says "fb enjoys the company of older men". This statement
is patently untrue. Furthermore the creepy old men of Matteson, IL
continue to pester me. I am not safe at the gym or at the gas
station. Please remove and destroy this sign.

Very Truly Yours,
Ms. "I only go for men my age"

To: pheebee
From: The Board
Re: Signage Removal Request

Dear Ms. "I only go for men my age,"

We have respectfully considered your request on this matter, and have
agreed to grant it. However, please note that the creepy old men of
Matteson, IL, as well as the rest of the world have informed the Board
that despite signage removal, they will nonetheless persist in their
harassing of young girls. Provided below is an excerpt of said letter:

"Harassment of young women is integral to our identity as creepy old
men. Furthermore, as many men suffer from delusions stemming from middle
age hormonal fluctuations, many are unable to grasp or appreciate that
their advances are patently unwelcomed. We sincerely hope that you may
understand our position on this matter, and as such reduce your pepper
spraying of our members."


Very Truly Yours,
The Board

This is highly disappointing. It's a day since I"ve received this response from the Board, and a mere few minutes ago I was accosted by yet another old man!! Somebody get me some pepper spray!!!!!!

Observations from Exile

Having spent a week in Olympia Fields now, I have come to observe some things. First, my dear citizens of Chicago, you have got it all wrong. This is not, in fact, a suburb as the rest of the country knows it. (And by the rest of the country, I mean Milwaukeeans). Suburbs are areas that are near the urban area. (And by near, I don't mean 20 miles).

This is more like quasi-urban. There are endless numbers of big box stores and chain restaurants. I can't begin to count the number of desperate housewife SUVs that clog the roadways. And there are cookie-cutter townhouses as far as the eye can see. However, there is no sign of local stores and restaurants, no local favor, and no attitude or charm. AND, nothing to do. There's also no way to do something in the nearest urban area (Read: Chicago) because the last train back to OF leaves at 12:55. Hope you have friends in town.

And yet, people still live here. The reason is beyond me, but I imagine it's because they crave the quiet life for their families and kids. Bah!

Unenthusiastically stuck

Well, common sense beat sanity. I am remaining in BFE for the duration of the program. Very depressing. Even my eternally optomistic friend can't cheer me up at the moment. But knowing that I have a microwave is a much anticipated perk.

Ah well, if I could do anything in 18 days at Cornell, surely I can last a mere 7 weeks, 5 days, 2 hours and 58 minutes.

Working Girl

Well, I have finally become a productive member of society. I have officially started work at the Federal Highway Administration's Olympia Fields, IL office. The office is uber-casual, which is nice. However, the casual atmosphere has foiled my plans of rebellion. Here's what happened:

Picture it, Olympia Fields, June 5, 2005. So, there I am, at the reception desk at the Baymont Inn, ready to check-in. I had not yet received a confirmation number, but eh, what are the odds of them not having a reservation for me. Well, apparently, the odds were quite good. Upon attempting to check-in, I was told there was no such reservation for me. This, of course, after the fiasco of the retracted offer for housing in Chicago. So, I hop on my cell phone and disturb the powers that be to alert them to my situation. Turns out, they had the same problem with the other chick intern the day before. Arrgh. Oh well, at least I finally get a room.

Or so I thought. I walk into a tiny crawl space masquerading as a hotel room. The upside, there is a gigantic king size bed. The downside, the t.v. isn't working and there is no microwave which was promised to me. Therefore, I must move to a different room a mere hour later. Arrgh (again).

The chick intern and I are clearly disappointed. (The guy intern, not so much, since he had chosen to live here over Chicago). When our supervisor asked us how we felt, we politely told him of the general suckiness. So he offers to ask questions, and we say we'd appreciate that. The powers that be offer to look again, and are willing to pay for an alternative place if the other chick and I find someplace at a comparable price. Thinking this is near impossible, I think it's not likely.

Well, I was wrong. Get this, one of the original places offered to us, not only has housing, but is willing to let us move in until we no longer need to be there. Why was this not figured out BEFORE?! Yeah, if you figure out the answer to that, let us know. Anyway, I may be moving to Chicago if I can figure out how to get from the train station to my office. Here's where you can help. Where would you choose?

1. Leave your car (a very pretty Mustang) in the lot at the train station overnight. (Cost is about $1 a day). The police patrol the area at night, and will be taking information about your car and keep it on file.

2. Leave your car in Wisconsin. Take a cab to work from the train station everyday. (Cost is about $10-12 per day).

3. Stay in BFE, Illinois in aforementioned hotel room and purchase 2 meals a day everyday.

Vote is open until 11:50 a.m. tomorrow!

Stories from Tosa

My friend Katie told me the most amazing story in the world. And by amazing, I mean psycho.

Picture it, Tosa, just outside the village, 2005. Katie is driving along minding her own business, following Amy. She is on her way home, on 68th and State. (I think). Anyway, as they are at a stop sign, Amy gets hit by a car that was driving approximately 1000 mph. Fortunately, no one is hurt. But the psycho that hit her and his equally psycho friends get out of the car.

So Katie puts her car in park and begins to get out of her car. Suddenly, every available unit of the Wauwatosa Police Department is blocking her in. They're yelling "freeze, or I'll shoot!". What would you do in this situation? I, would probably pee my pants and immediately begin to sob uncontrollably -- something about having guns pointed at you.

At this point, Amy (who had not gotten out of her car) has pulled away and is not blocked in. Katie proceeds to leave at the next available moment. When she gets home, she is naturally shaken -- but manages to triumph over parent paranoia when her mother calls. Saying that she had guns pointed at her NOT in the dangerous neighborhood she's constantly warned about; but rather in the outskirts of the Tosa village.

Anyway, Katie and Amy attempt to find out what happened by calling the police station, but whoever answered the phone didn't know. BUT! thanks to the miracle of the internet, they find out the following Monday when the WPD website is updated. Turns out, aforementioned psychos -- henceforth referred to as idiots, had just robbed the George Webb on State Street. And of course, the entirety of the WPD was needed, because they didn't have anything better to do that evening.

Living Single

I am single. I am angry. And it hurts to admit that I am angry, but I am. I found out what was wrong with the guy. He was sick with an inner ear infection and in Indiana. Fine. Feel free to be sick, and when you're sick, feel free to be too selfish to call and say you left the state. I can forgive all of this, when you finally get around to calling me and telling me that you are sick. Fine.

Do NOT expect me to be fine, when you tell me you're back in Madison, but you're leaving for Indiana tomorrow. In fact, less than twenty-four hours from when you called me. And don't expect me to be fine when you tell me the only reason you came back to Madison was to check your mail. And you'll be leaving as soon as you wake up. Do NOT expect me to be fine when I discover that I am not even as important as your mail.

I'm not pissed that it's over. I mean, that sucks, because I really liked him. I mean, I really liked him. And no, it does not make me feel better to know there are more fish in the sea. I don't care about the fish in the sea...up until now I liked this one. Yes I realize I deserve better. Also not the point. I am pissed because I wasn't worth the effort of an actual discussion. He didn't care to tell me that he really didn't want to be around me anymore/found me infuriating/found me ugly/whatever. No, he just left.

It's not that I was blown off. Lord knows it's happened before. And, let's be honest, we all know I did it that way too. (See post about (C)Edric below). But in every case I've been involved in, the blowing off occurred between two people who were mutually disenchanted with the relationship. It didn't occur between me and a boyfriend. And it certainly didn't happen less than a week after exchanging schmoopy text messages.

FINE. I admit it. I am pissed and hurt and I hate it. I especially hate admitting defeat. I have one last chance to give him a piece of my mind. I want my necklace back. I am going to send him an email when he gets back to Madison, and I am in Milwaukee and tell him to return it. Whether I will have to pick it up or if he will drop it in my hangfile isn't the point. I just want it back. I will not, however, give him that piece of my mind. Nothing I can say will change the situation, and he won't get the picture. In the end, I probably won't feel better because I'll be angry that I admitted that I was hurt and annoyed.

So that's the update....Hate to be so un-fun, but in real life, every once in a while, I have to admit that everything isn't rosy.

Update

I have no update, because I'm currently involved in not doing anything at all. I am not seeing the guy because I haven't spoken to him since Thursday. He did send me a text message on Saturday saying he was sick and would call when he felt better. I'm still waiting for the call. So either (a.) he's really really sick (b.) he's dead (c.) i've been unceremoniously blown off. Feel free to vote on which you feel is most likely.

Also, I don't start work until June 6. Therefore, I am here lounging and generally not participating in activities. I did, however, FINALLY drag my arse back to the gym. I would like to point out that of all the weight I lost with W.W., I only gained 4 lbs back (yay, kinda); but I lost 7% body fat (woo hoo!). So now I'm determined to lose approximately 5% body fat and hopefully gain that 6 pack I've been wishing for since high school.

Such is the update....and the reason for lack of future blogging. (Unless, of course, something happens, in which case this blog should be disregarded).

Reflections

Well, I went to graduation yesterday. It was your general program; complete with student speakers and a faculty speaker. Each were rather spectacular. I found the professor to be particularly entertaining when he compared the legal profession to the "oldest profession". He said:

"Well, in both of them, you deal with unsavory people and in both cases it's always better to get the money up front".

That got me to thinking. Why isn't prostitution legal? I mean really, sex is quite enjoyable for many people and it would probably be quite the lucrative industry. And frankly, if someone has to pay for sex, shouldn't he be afforded the comfort of knowing that their partner is clean and disease free? I mean really! Hmm, perhaps this is my calling. I will lobby to Congress to get prostitution legalized......or not. I mean who wants to go down in history for that? Hester Prynn maybe, but not I.

Back to graduation. It got me to thinking, wouldn't it be nice to be finished? But on the same token, wouldn't it be scary to be getting shoved into the real world? Dean Kransberger reminded the graduates during the ceremony that loan deferment is over. Clock starts ticking on 23 May 2005. Poor kids. I suppose I can put up with one more year of playing on the wireless network in exchange for not having to pay off my massive loans. *sigh*.

What does this mean exactly?

You're Sudan!

Every time you get a headache, you reach for some aspirin, only to
realize that someone destroyed it. That's just how things are going for you right
now... it's hard to eat, hard to sleep, hard to not have a headache. You try to
relax, but people always jump on you about something that doesn't make sense. If
you were a goat, you'd be a Nubian.
Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

What country were you?

Good Morning

This morning, I was awakened by the FedEx lady. She knocked bearing gifts of a Mini Ipod. YAY! However, my excitement soon waned when I realized that upon waking up I would have to begin preparing to take a massive take-home exam. This is the very take-home that I am supposed to be doing right now. Fortunately, there is a word limit for each question. Unfortunately, that word limit does not include comments I add to my blog. Drat. Wish me luck....at this rate, I'll be in the library until the wee hours of the morning :(.

My mom says I should stop watching

So, I am watching Judge Mathis today (gimme a break, I don't have cable and Dr. Phil gets annoying), and this woman is telling a story. I don't understand, so I'm hoping someone out there can explain it to me:

"Well, I was driving from Arkansas to California. While I was passing through Iowa, my car broke down. So, being the type of person that tries to make the best out of a bad situation, I checked myself into a homeless shelter. I then began working at a nearby cafe as a waitress..."

She went on with the suit from there. Will someone please explain to me:
1. Why someone driving from Arkansas to Cali be passing through Iowa;
2. Why someone who's car broke down just decides to take up roots in the random state they were passing through.

These are things I don't understand.

On an unrelated note, I have finished my one excessively early exam, and I am now in the process of not studying for the rest of my exams. 1 down, 4 to go. *sigh*.

Question of the Day

I'm just wondering, is it possible to find a decent guy on ebay? If not, where are they all hiding?

You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs

Well, I have made 3 attempts at reading the book "You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs", and quite frankly, in spite of my valiant efforts, it is impossible. This is utterly disappointing because this should've been a page turner. But it wasn't.

The premise of the book is that an old maid, ahem, a woman who is 35 and hasn't found "the One" is thinking about her lack of engaged status. So she's looking back over her life, and remembering all of her past dates -- mostly bad ones. Well, take it from me, her dates are not all that bad. The chapters are filled with average dates and relationships that weren't worth writing about. So I've decided to open up a forum for people to tell stories of their worst dates. Hit the comment button and have at it. Who knows? Maybe a publisher will read this and I'll finally get that book written that I've been promising....

Here's my submission: "Cedric the Entertainer"

Last year, during my first semester, I was sitting in my apartment, when there was a knock at my door. Now, no one ever just pops over to my apartment, but I figured why not answer it. Maybe it was Ed McMahon with my millions.

Naturally, it wasn't Ed McMahon. It was someone selling coupons for Papa Murphy's door-to-door. What's funny, is that I had interviewed for that very same job in Milwaukee the previous summer. What's also funny is that I told the guy this, and that the reason I didn't take the job was because I was too good for it. I now realize that it's not the nicest thing in the world to say to someone who has the job you're too good for, but it just slipped out, I swear.

Anyway, the guy turned out to be fairly witty and entertaining. He was not stunningly gorgeous, but I wasn't immediately turned off by his looks either. Now I realize, none of these are good reasons to give him my phone number when he asked for it, but I figured, what are the odds he was going to call anyway? Furthermore, I didn't believe that he'd be back in Madison anytime soon either. Boy, was I wrong.

A couple weeks later, he did call, and he was in Madison. As I was lonely and trying to get over my most recent episode in the saga that was "M", I decided to grant him the privilege of going on a date with me. He didn't have a car here in Madison, so I had to pick him up. Now, this is normally a dealbreaker, but he and his co-workers had carpooled to Madison from Milwaukee, so I forgave him this indiscretion. I also forgave him for calling after 9pm to begin our date, because he'd told me that he wouldn't be able to get together until late, after work.

I drove all the way to the east side of Madison to pick him up at the hotel where he was staying. Here begins what should've been clear omens of things to come. As I'm driving, he's giving me directions. BAD directions. I pass the last light before the Beltline. As I'm driving, I see that I am dangerously close to being on my way to the Dells. He says, "Oh, see that light you just passed, you should've turned there". What spectacular timing. But, I'm trying to be understanding, since he isn't from Madison, so I just take the nearest exit and make a U-turn.

Upon picking him up, the first words out of his mouth are "hey, it's great to see you. (Pause) I need to ask you a favor." Is this really something you should say to someone you are trying to woo and impress? NO! His favor was to take him to McDonald's and pick up food for his team; aka co-workers he was supervising. Let me remind you that it is after 9pm, and normal people eat dinner at 6pm. Let me further mention to you that this was his responsibility long before he knew that I'd be picking him up after 9pm. Why wasn't this taken care of before I got there? Furthermore, why didn't he know what they wanted before asking me to cart him around? That's right, he had no idea what everyone wanted. So when we get to the drive-thru, he calls their cell phones to take orders. Oh! But they don't answer their cell phones. Nor is he smart enough to have the hotel number, so he can't call their rooms. I suggest he calls information, and his response is "But that's $1.25!!". Excuse me?! You won't call information because it's $1.25 but you expect me to drive you all the way back to the hotel so you can ask them what they want?!? And yet, out of the goodness of my heart (or because I like self-torture) I continue the date nonetheless and drive him back to the hotel.

Turns out, it doesn't matter anyway, because McDonald's is closed. BECAUSE IT'S AFTER 9pm ON A TUESDAY YOU MORON!! So, I drive him back to the hotel, (with gritted teeth), and he goes upstairs to ask everyone if they want pizza. While he's in there, I call my good friend Mike, and ask him for the emergency boyfriend call. When Mr. Wonderful gets back to the car, he calls the other team-leader, and asks him to pick up food for his team from Taco Bell. I'm not joking. He does this after I've already carted him to McDonald's and back. I'm on the verge of shooting him, but I remember that they tend not to let murderers into the Bar.

We decide to complete our date (if you can call it that) at Denny's. Because that's the only restaurant nearby that is still open. I order something light, french fries I think. So, Mike calls (thank heavens) and makes loud references to me getting home and he misses me, and yada yada yada. I don't think it was actually loud enough for Mr. Wonderful to hear, but he does hear me refer to being out with Cedric. When I get off the phone, he asks "Who's Cedric?". So I look at him blankly, and ask "Aren't you Cedric?". You'll never guess what the answer is. His answer is "No, my name is Edric". Ok, frankly, I've never heard of the name Edric (and I was only vaguely apologetic), but it doesn't really matter, as this guy has a snowball's chance in hell of getting a 2nd date.

I finally take him back to the hotel, and he asks for a hug. And no, he wasn't joking. He tells me the ladylike thing to do would be to walk him to the hotel door. I consider telling him that the ladylike thing to do is to continue to restrain myself from physical violence. Instead I tell him that I will be doing no such thing, and to please exit my car immediately. He insists on a hug, standing outside of the car. I oblige and then get in the car and peel off as quickly as possible, doors locked.

Would you believe he had the audacity to call me after that? Yes, yes he did. No, no I did not answer. He called maybe 3 months later, and left me a message asking if he could stop by, because he and his friends would be in Madison. I distinctly remember yelling at my phone that he may categorically NOT stop by, and why in the hell does he remember where I live?! I never got the chance to find out the answer to that question, because I only keep his number to remember which call not to answer. And thus ends the story of my worst date ever.

What's yours?!

Gossip

Did ya hear? KT is pregnant, by a guy they call Ogre.....wonder if it's a boy or girl!?!? :-P

Update

Well, I didn't make the moot court board. The downside is, that's just one more thing I'm not good enough for (as if I needed the list to be longer). The upside is, I don't have to be on moot court next year. The other upside is, I got to wear my suit again. Yay!

Trusts and Estates exam is in T minus 6 days. *sigh*. Drinking will commence at 11:01 a.m. on April 30. Approximately 60 seconds after the exam time is done.