Mother Nature's Last Laugh

As we all know, there are excellent benefits to having a pet. I've always been a cat person myself (propelling me even further into old-maid status). But I've recently taken up a liking to dogs. But, sadly, it is not meant to be. For, I developped allergies in my freshman year, and I am allergic to both. And then, to cement my fate, I moved into an apartment that doesn't allow pets.

I guess these are obstacles that could be overcome. I think my landlord just used a standard form lease, and I could probably talk them into letting me have a cat. And, I know people with allergies to pets generally, who aren't allergic to their own pets. But, I don't think it is to be. Honestly, I couldn't live with the wheezing in my own house. *sigh*. Hmmm. Any leads on a hypoallergenic pet (that's pet-able and fun)?

Happy Birthday pheebee

I felt that I should write something profound, or exciting today. But I've got neither. Perhaps that's a commentary in and of itself. Don't know what that comment could be, but, what're you gonna do?

I'm going to a going away party for a friend of a friend tomorrow. Maybe something exciting will happen then.

Starter Marriage

I met my friend Chrissy's neighbor last night. And, we were discussing marriage for some reason. I forget how we got on the subject (oh wait, I remember, I was telling Chrissy about the ninja pic episode - and determining whether I was shallow enough to do something about it [no, I'm not]). Anyway he told me his master plan, which I found hilarious.

Basically, it goes like this. His first wife is going to be the mother of his children. His second wife is going to be eyecandy, a trophy wife. His third wife is going to be his soulmate for his golden years.

Study after study has shown that people are living longer and longer. And as a consequence people move more often, people are switching careers more often, etc. So, is it cynical to assume your marriage is going to end? Everything else seems as though it's ending earlier these days. Although, really what's happening, I think, is that careers and homes are lasting just as long as they always did, it's just that people have time left over. Therefore, they go ahead and find a new home, a new career, whatever.

Here's the other thing. How can he assume that he'll find 3 women that want to marry him? I'm not saying he's unattractive or unpleasant or anything like that. But how is it possible, that he can assume there will be 3 available women that he wants; when many women I know are having difficulties finding 1 man. Oof. Statistics are a sonuvagun aren't they?

Flora and Fauna

You know what I love? Flowers. So, I've made the executive decision to send myself some for my impending birthday. What I can't decide is what kind to send, or where to send them to. Ideally, I'd like some at home and some at the office. But I can't be bothered with spending all that cash, when I have an illegitimate shopping habit to feed. I imagine the most economical thing to do would be to just get up and go buy some, and put them in a vase. And then, I'll hint to people to send them to my office. And by people, I mean my parents, since they're really the only people interested in sending me flowers.

Although, to be fair, the SiQ did send me a rather fabulous tshirt that says "I'm Tight Like Spandex". HAHAHAHAHA. That shirt will def. be making an appearance when I go out -- although I'd better be careful where I wear it. I don't want people getting the idea that it's ok to wear spandex out in public when not working out. Maybe I'll just carry around a fashion disclaimer: "This shirt is for comic value, not fashion tips". :)

Last Time I do that

Ok islanders. You are officially off the relationship expert panel. I'm not taking any of y'all's advice anymore. As you know, I attempted to cut off 'bux boyf. As you also know, he was none too happy about being dismissed. But you all convinced me this was the proper course of action. Well allow me to disabuse you of that notion.

As you know, I told him I just wasn't feeling him, yada yada yada. So, I continue to talk to him here and there, offering the obligatory olive branch of friendship (note: HIS idea). You know how that's going? Miserably! I can't even stand to chat it up for 10 minutes or less anymore. The last few times we've talked, he's given me a guilt-trip. As in, "well, before you did what you did, I was going to give you a free drink coupon." And so on. Gah! I mean seriously. Man up already! I'm pretty sure I'm off the hook for talking to him...but how can I ever go to that Starbucks again? I have no desire to endure the stupid puppy dog eyes and pouting. *Sigh* I am beyond done with the young bucks.

In semi-related news, the ninja and I are on the speaking side of the pendulum that is our post-break-up relationship. Naturally, he and his g/f are having difficulties -- or so he says. Anyway, I was forced to reconsider the ending of our relationship. He sent me a cell phone pic of his sexy sexy abs. Knowing full well that I am like Pavlov's dogs when it comes to abs. (Grant it, he's always had a nice body, but dang it if he didn't put on about 20 lbs of muscle). Remind me, why did we break up again? Oh right, because of his inability to return phone calls. But....after all that hard work in the gym, shouldn't he be rewarded with the privilege of my company? Moreover, am I really that shallow?

True Calling

Like most of my contemporaries, I am wondering if I picked the right professional path. Frankly, if I thought I could keep myself in the lifestyle to which I intend to become accustomed, I'd definitely be doing something other than insurance defense. Mostly because insurance defense is not nearly as exciting as you think.

So what would I do instead? Well, what are the things I heart dearly? I heart talking about fashion and dancing. So really, I should be either a dance costume designer, OR a fashionista tango dancer. Unfortunately, I don't see either of these happening....so, law it is. Bah!

Mothers Day

Happy Mother's Day pheebee's mom! Today was a classic Hallmark holiday, and my mom totally milked it for all it was worth. For the last few years, I've been allowed to give a simple card, sometimes flowers, but generally that's it. This weekend, however, pheebee's mom celebrated in style. There was breakfast after church on Sunday; then there was viewing the musical Chicago on Saturday, and shopping on Friday. It was good times had by all this weekend.

My mom is an excellent shopping buddy -- except when she's left to her own devices. However, she's not shy about telling you that something makes you look fat. In fact, sometimes she does it without anyone actually asking for her opinion. (And you wondered where I got that from).

Anyway, as I was saying, we were shopping on Friday, and we made a stop at Ann Taylor Loft, which may be my new official fave store (for work clothes). Ann Taylor Loft (n.k.a. ATL -- the good kind) must participate in vanity sizing. Have you heard about this? Stores and brands the fashion-world-over have taken to re-sizing their clothes, so women believe that they now wear a full size smaller. Women are so easily flattered -- they believe this even though they haven't seen the inside of the gym since those first 2 weeks of free membership.

Why do they do this, you ask? Because they can, and because it works! I can't tell you how many articles of clothing I've purchased because they were a full size smaller. (Yes, I am just that vain. Any inhabitant of the island should know this by now).

Aside from a fabulous purchase, (thanks to vanity sizing), I also met a fabulous sales associate, JanHan, and official new island inhabitant. Aside from having excellent taste in shoes and bags, she's a handbag designer. Now, I checked out the site where her handbags are sold, and I am giving it the pheebee endorsement. (I feel so cool for knowing a real designer -- other than the ninja). For those who are more into handbags than I, I recommend you proceed to this site (www.fashionflat.com) immediately. And I'm not just saying that, because, frankly, I'm not that nice. (Another fact island inhabitants probably already know). I particularly enjoy the striped shopper, but that's just me. You form your own opinions :). And no, there's no island discount. Cheapskates.

Pimpin' ain't easy

Ok, so I attempted to break it off with 'bux boyf today. I think I was unsuccessful. Here's the problem:

So, I bite the bullet, and tell him that I don't think it's going to work. The reasons I give is because it's been too hard to connect, and I don't think we have anything in common. We discuss this for about 20 minutes. He gives a few rebuttals, none of which I find convincing. But I tell him that we do have enough personality connection to still be friends. (Remember, when he first started talking to me, he said that if we couldn't date, he just wanted to be friends).

Despite my efforts to be a big girl and end things, he mostly rejected my peace offering. He asked for another date! How do I get rid of this guy? Honestly?! *Sigh. You'd think this was a desirable problem....but it's not.

Beautylicious!

Today's blog title is brought to you by Jenyne M. Raines, author of the same titled book. The book is the fabulous black woman's guide to more fabulousness. A total recommended read.

What made me think of it, aside from the fact that I'm on a habitual read of the book, is my trip to the airport today. While attempting to make eye contact with a cutie waiting across the gate from me, I noticed a glamazon. She was so fabulous, with excellent hair, makeup and clothing. I will say she wasn't of the "I woke up looking like this" variety, but I was nonetheless impressed. Incidentally, I saw another woman walking from the eL the other day who was so fabulous I couldn't stop looking at her. She was epically stylish.

So that got me to thinking, these two gals were oozing style from their very pores in a way I've always wanted to do. With the caveat that I want to be of the "I woke up looking like this" variety. (I've seen some of those too, they are extremely few and far between). But, despite the ridiculous number of books dedicated to the subject; I find most women reach for this level of style, but fall short. So, is it hopeless? Are you born with it, and if you're born without the style gene, you're just out of luck? Or, is it something you can grow into?

I ultimately decided that it is something that you can grow into. And, I've also decided that I will be growing into it shortly. Case in point, I don't think it requires money, but money certainly helps. Allow me to sketch a picture for you: Think back to the days (as in, mere moments ago) when you last saw someone who was ghetto-fabulous. Not that girl from down the block, but more like 50 Cent (aka no-talent hack). He has more money than is decent, given his complete lack of talent and social responsibility, and yet has a complete lack of taste. A second example, you may remember my shameless obsession with the Real Housewives of Orange County. If you look back in the archives, you'll read a section where one Housewife was trying to get "CZs" put on her Hummer's (it was pink, if memory serves) rims. Also, not oozing style.

So, what we learn from this is that oozing style does not require money. But, money definitely helps you make a completely necessary purchase without feeling guilty about those total praise-worthy effen pumps with a red sole from Nine West (which were COMPLETELY worth the near 3 figures I dropped). We have also learned that what women believe is true...we really only dress up for each other....no man can properly appreciate what oozing style really is. :)

Top Ten Reasons

The title of my blog is "The Book I Keep Promising to Write." I have decided to give you the top ten reasons why this is an empty promise:

1. Because, my blog is only funny if you know me personally.
2. Because, I can't turn my blog into a coherent book.
3. Because I know someone who attempted to shop her blog as a book to publishers, and they told her that it was too blog-y and not book-y.
4. Because, I don't have any connections in publishing.
5. Because, if we take out all of the randomness, there's probably only 9 pages of book text here.
6. Because I attempted to write a fiction novel once, and it really wasn't that thrilling.
7. Although, that failed attempt was an attempt at a romance novel; so maybe it was a failed attempt because I wasn't writing from experience.
8. Because I don't have any ink in my printer.
9. Because I don't know anyone who would purchase it, except my friends and family, and that's really not enough people to support publishing costs.
10. Because I said so...until further notice. :)

Ok, I didn't say they'd be good reasons. But they're reasons. Of course, they're subject to change.

Alert Level: Mandarin

So lately, people keep asking me why I'm single. My answer is usually "how should I know?" I mean really, I can tell you why the relationships I've had have ended...I can't tell you why I don't get asked out. Should I take a poll the next time I pass some guys on the street?

At any rate, all the questions were starting to make me paranoid. (For roughly 18 hours). But, I'm over it, because in the grand scheme of things, I don't necessarily want a man right now. (I mean, I've had my reasons why they're useful...) But, what I want right now are chick friends. With whom I can discuss various chick things. Ok, let me clarify, chick friends who are nearby. Sorta the down side to being all kinds of cosmopolitan -- many of my friends are out of town...Some in fabulous foreign places, one jetsetting to Lebanon. Crazy huh? How cool is it to say you have a friend who's living in Lebanon?

Meanwhile, things in the C are picking up. I may even be attending a fashion show tomorrow, barring it being cost-prohibitive. If I go, I'll be all over the updated posting. Although, I was meant to be going to a fantastic girls' night event at a bar downtown -- but couldn't find anyone who was free. So, we'll see how tomorrow turns out.

Ridiculousness....

From the esteemed -- although estranged -- martamack:

http://www.macspoofs.com/2006/08/10/ps3-vs-wii/

Enjoy!

Personality Traits

Have you ever attempted to change your personality? When I was in Thailand, one of the guys (a former camp counselor) started a game called "what would you change about your personality." What would be your answer?

I'm not really big on the self-evaluation questions. Because, what kind of people lie to themselves? Really deluded people. And I'd rather not be really deluded. So, I end up answering the question, and then I am saddened by whatever horrible trait I'm unable to fix. My particular trait is the complete lack of ability to be romantically confrontational. I talk a big game, but I feel really bad telling someone who really likes me to bugger off. Now, don't get it twisted, I actually kind of enjoy blowing off a guy who is a total jerk, or THAT guy in the club. But others, such as 'bux boyf, and the Christian rapper -- wildly more difficult. As it turns out, I actually DO have feelings. (Something I'm not actually big on admitting -- which is another trait I should probably admit to wanting to change, but I'll reserve that one).

And really, how arrogant do you have to be to assume that turning someone down will hurt their feelings? Honestly, I'm not that arrogant. But I do think it's unpleasant to hear from someone that they just aren't that into you. And I'd feel terrible creating that unpleasant feeling. So, instead, I prefer to be all kinds of passive-aggressive. Thus far, it's worked splendidly, in that I can just stop answering phone calls, or I can force that person to stop calling me. (The classic reverse breakup). But, now I've gone and trapped myself with 'bux boyf. Either I confront him, and feel all icky; or I am stuck with him. Either way, I'm not entirely certain how I could ever go to that particular store again.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel....he's thinking about quitting. AND he had an interview with the Real World. Maybe he'll hit it big and move away to LALA Land.

Fashion Update

And now, for the spring update, an addendum. I forget whether I've already mentioned metallics being in, I think silver specifically....I've heard conflicting reports on whether silver will dominate gold or vice versa. Yellow is also the new hot color.

The exciting news resides in the shoe department. Apparently, the new hot shoe is the "skimmer". Skimmers are the lovechild of the ballet flat and the tennis shoe. Some lean more toward the tennis shoe side of the family; while others lean towards the ballet flat. Essentially, they are a very minimalist shoe. Probably very comfy. Also, they often have "toe cleavage". Incidentally, who decided "toe cleavage" is a legitimate term? And who decided that "toe cleavage" was sexy? Honestly, I've actually read that it's sexy. Which I find slightly distressing. The shoes, however, I find incredibly fabulous. They are colorful, comfy, and generally fun. And, as we all know, I'm completely on board for additions to my shoe closet.

Now, I rarely have updates for mens' fashion, but that's because I'm not as good at it -- mostly because I date metrosexuals who don't need my help. However, I've heard and observed that the 3rd part of the 3-piece suit is so in. But, it's a fashion accessory. Please refrain from wearing all 3 pieces at once, you'll look like the monopoly guy. Instead, from what I understand, you can wear just the vest and pant combo, or wear the vest with jeans, and other amalgamations. Basically, keep it casual. A word of caution, this is more a euro-style accessory, and therefore should only be worn by men who look good in a european cut. Think Justin Timberlake. (Pause to think about the hotness....*sigh*).

First Date Update

On Monday, I will have my 3rd first date in 2 months. I am sad to say, that it is with 'bux boyf. I feel like I owe him, as he's certainly put in the time and persistence. But, my patience is waning with this kid. And I do mean kid. He's so pesky. And, so far, he hasn't said much by way of substance or coherence. I fear the time I've promised him may wear on my nerves after 15 minutes. Wish me luck. And particularly by way of keeping a positive, open mind.

By way of update, I never did hear from my potential wedding date. Therefore, I won't be able to finagle my way into a trip to Italy. Sad.

I did hear from the Christian rapper, so to speak. The day after our date, he didn't call until 1045 p.m. Which was wholly unacceptable, and so I didn't answer. I did eventually forgive him, I suppose, because we shared a couple text exchanges. Then, he called 2 days ago. But I didn't answer -- I forget why. I think I legitimately missed the call. But, I haven't returned it. On the one hand, I'd like to, because he owes me dinner. On the other hand, there was a complete lack of spark -- so would free dinner be worth it?

Happy Birthday pheebee's mom!

I was reading an article today, in the local free paper. Apparently, blogs are on the way out. Well, they're generally out already. They were talking about popular bloggers, who were just so over blogging...and these people had hundreds of readers or more. Meanwhile, I have all of, what -- 4 readers? Well, 10 if my mom's co-workers are reading. If those people are falling off the blogosphere, what hope is there for me?

On the other hand, as you all know, I am extremely lazy most times. I'd hate to have to tell every ridiculous story (and random thought in my head) over and over again. And I find blogging generally cathartic -- it's sort of like having a diary, without actually having to admit anything. (HA!)

On a completely unrelated note, I have been having a terribly difficult time this week. First, I attempted to send my mom a birthday card. I bought it early, addressed it, stamped it, and...well, that's it. I completely forgot to mail it. As it turns out, it's a good thing I didn't, because the card that I'd signed "Have a happy birthday, Love, pheebee" was NOT my mother's birthday card. It was the sympathy card that I'd bought for my IM boyf. Sad isn't it? Good thing I discovered it before I actually mailed it. Otherwise, my mom would've gotten a card that said "My prayers are with you" in text; and "Have a Happy Birthday!" in handwriting. Now that would've been bad, wouldn't it?

On top of that, I went to bed one night, with my front door unlocked, and a carton of milk and eggs sitting in the hallway outside after grocery shopping, because I forgot to bring them in. I'm scared to leave my apartment tomorrow -- for fear of what may happen. Yikes. Time to go to bed, and start over (next week).

Make up to Break up

Recently, I met a guy (don't get all excited, he's married w/children). He and I have gone out to lunch a few times, and he's, how do I say this? Nosy, but in a good way. :). Anyway, said guy, n.k.a. martamack, is one of these married people who loves to be regaled with stories of the single life. I have a sneaking suspicion that he likes to hear them so he can be amused while looking smugly down his nose at his poor singleton friends. (As all married people do).

But I digress. This post, aside from introducing a new character to the island, is about sketchy breakups. I was telling martamack about how the engineer had dumped me without an actual relationship. I was telling martamack about how I could think of no acceptable reason why someone you're not dating can dump you. But, you know the story. The moral of the story, is that martamack was defending him. And I can find no logical explanation for that other than gender loyalty. After I spoke to him about it, I realized that the ninja and I often broke up without actually dating. Of course, he and I had actually dated at some point, making it a completely different situation.

So, this makes me think. If a dude can dump a chick they aren't dating, is it therefore true that men are never "just friends" with women? And if so, does that mean when they say they're your friend, they're just waiting for the right time to swoop in and drop some game? Things that make you go hmm...

On a related note, I was also dumped by the married hoosier. Or rather, the married hoosier recently stopped calling. A fact I am sorely disappointed by -- minus the disappointment. But, that's a post for another time.

Possessed

So, the SiQ posed a question last night, which I am ill-equipped to answer. Therefore, I'm posing it to you, as I find it to be a common occurrence -- well among the two of us anyway. So, here's the deal. There's this guy, we'll call him Lester, that she works with, who's nice and entertaining enough, but not on the list of potentials -- although not for lack of trying. He's just not on her list. So anyway, she still jokes around with Lester, because that's what cool chicks do. Apparently, earlier this week, she was joking around with a different guy, we'll call him L'il Bro. So, L'il Bro was being a smart-arse, cuz that's what little brothers do. Apparently, Lester asked the SiQ if L'il Bro was bothering her. To which she said "yes". Bear in mind, that this is a group of smart-arses who are accustomed to joking around. The next sound we hear is L'il Bro's body being slammed up against the wall (albeit gently) and L'il Bro saying "sorry man, I didn't know she was your girl". Please note, at no point in this post did I declare Lester and the SiQ a couple.

Now, slightly similar situations have happened to me, and certainly to other women. Thus laying the foundation to the question. Why are the men on the not-potential list so darn possessive? And how do you tell these men that they should lay off -- particularly if you don't want to hurt their feelings? And, given the numerous Dateline specials on psychos, how do you determine if the possessor is psycho and avoid being stalked? Any ideas? Anyone, anyone? Bueller? Ok, I'll be waiting for your answers. Thanks. :)

Twitter-Peated

So, I've been meaning to blog. I even attempted to do so last week. BUT, blogger.com was under service. So, I'm going to attempt to get my blogging in properly over the next couple days. First up, is a blog on, what else? men. But not how you think.

As you may have figured out, I'm pretty much convinced that all men are sex-obsessed and irritating. I have since determined that this is true across ALL species. Recently, I watched some birdies, specifically pigeons. (For the record, the pigeons here are like the squirrels were at my alma mater -- they run the world). Anyway, the first time I noticed it, there were two pigeons running around. Literally, running. A boy pigeon, we'll call him Nick was chasing a girl pigeon, we'll call her Daisy. They were running around and around in a circle. What made it so enetertaining is that Daisy was incredibly uninterested in Nick's antics. So much so, that at times she'd open her wings to put some distance between herself and Nick. Much like in human life, the boy was quite persistent. I must have watched this for a good 5 minutes. I'll even bet that the other people around me thought I was a bit touched in the head.

What was so hilarious, is that while I was watching this amusing exchange, there was a 3rd pigeon that they were running around (literally). And all this pigeon could do was watch. Moreover, I couldn't help but compare the situation to the standard club-scene nonsense. You know, when the creepy creepy guy is chasing around some poor girl who never should have accepted the free drink in the first place. What doesn't make me feel better is what this means -- there's no escaping the persistent guy who has set his sights on you. *Sigh*. If I forget, remind never to accept a free drink from THAT guy -- because I don't have any wings to help me escape.

2DP

Well, this weekend was quite a weekend. 2DP, my good friend from my hometown, was down to my new town. I was all kinds of worried about how I'd keep him entertained for 2.5 days, but as it turns out, he is easily amused.

It was his very first time on a train, and other various forms of public transportation. I was happy to provide the experience. And, it was the birth of his handle. 2DP, for the uninitiated stands for 2 Day Pass. It does NOT stand for that other kind of DP -- perverts.

But I digress. On Friday, I was finally able to make a stop at a fabulous little basement bar near my (landlord's) condo. Trust me, any resto that serves fried sweet potatoes is a fabulous restaurant. AND there were $5 martinis. Now, he and I partook of some alcoholic beverages both before dinner and afterwards. I think they may have gone straight to our heads. We had a summer camp moment of sorts after returning to the pad. As some of you may or may not know, my (landlord's) condo is loft style, so I have a split level. 2DP was sleeping on the bomb sleeper sofa that is in my living room, and I was upstairs in my bed. Before falling asleep, we chatted it up over the balcony rails, naturally. However, 2DP may have had a bit much to drink. (To be fair, those Long Islands were practically clear). He went into a 20 minute tirade about paper plates.

It all started when he asked me if I ever used them, or if I was a more real dishes girl. So, I am actually a real dishes girl, but there are paper plates in my cabinets left over from my last apartment. And thus began the 20 minute tirade. Why, oh why, would you not only take up packing space for paper plates, but waste the gas to transport them across one great state and into another? he asked. Well I don't know! Why would I throw them out? Honestly, oy! But, the kicker here...after several minutes of discussing the gas money I wasted and the packing space I utilized, he asked if he could have them. Now, I beg you, which is less logical. Packing them along with kitchen things when moving, or visiting your friend and then packing them in a backpack next to your laptop and toting them along in public transportation? Ok then. I thought so. So, phooey on you 2DP.

Anyway, we also visited a baby beluga, and purchased a khaki hat. The final destination on Saturday was to an improv show (something you gotta visit me to see!). On Sunday, we had a cozy night in....separate beds, followed by breakfast delivery. 2DP being the future husband, and smoothe operator that he is, surprised me with flowers. (Insert awwwwwwwww here). I've gotten more flowers in this condo than I've ever received at my last apartment. Man! This must be the lucky condo.

All in all, it was a darn fine weekend. Oh, and 2DP also wanted to play a hilariously inappropriate joke. I won't reveal it here, because it may still happen. But I will say, it may involve electronic messaging and tracking. HA. Stay tuned...