Finished a couple things! (ish)

15. Get a massage
16. Send pics in to a modeling agency

Well, I got a free 10 minute chair massage. I think I need to do a repeat on that one.

As for a modeling agency - not quite. But Seagram's Gin is looking for models for it's 2013 calendar. In a true pucket-y-not moment, I went ahead and submitted a picture from last July. Let's see if I am a finalist (they didn't ask my height -- yet -- so I know I'm not automatically disqualified!).

If I keep going at this rate, I'll be done with my 101 in no time!! (HA. As if buying a new car or saving $10,000 is just a 15 minute project. HA!!!!)

You know your dress is too tight when...

This morning as I was getting dressed, I picked out a dress that had 3/4 length sleeves, a faux wrap, and a busy, but small print pattern (so as not to overwhelm my vertically-challenged frame).  It also has a narrow pencil skirt, of the variety worn by impossibly fit (or ridiculously skinny) women.  And, most importantly, it's made of stretchy material.

Anyway, I bought this dress at the height of my new level of awesome, and I was rocking it.  This was a mere 6-8 months ago, but since then, I've backslid a bit.  Admittedly, my backsliding has been a result of my inability to workout.*  But, my eating habits were not the sort which allow for time off from the gym. Short story long, this morning I had an extra 5-7 lbs to put in this dress. 

When I got dressed this morning, I spent about 5 minutes fretting over the fact that the dress was a bit...um...tight.  I thought it was hugging** my arse a bit snugly.  I also was concerned that the soft mounds it formed to were located in the thigh/hip region, rather than the much more desirable region above my waist.  But, I was running late, and I couldn't think of a better alternative.  So off we went.

Well, I get to work, and I have had no less than three confirmations that my suspicions were correct.  First, when I was walking out of the lobby to make a 'bux run, I heard the security guard behind me go "mm, mm MM!!!".  You know the sound I'm talking about...the sort one makes when they see something and they just can't believe it?  Usually reserved for kiddie shenanigans, REALLY good cake, and the like.  Well, THAT'S the reaction I got from the ...ahem... rear view.  I told him that he needed to remember that when thinking makes noise, it's talking.  And then I proceeded to back out of the door, to prevent additional commentary.  When I got to 'bux, the cashier that's had a crush on me for 3 years slipped me a freebie.  Which, is nothing unusual.  Then he came around the other side of the counter, where I was waiting for a drink.  He asked the (white) guy standing next to me if they could switch spots, so that he could "stand and have that view."  ACK!  The (white) guy had on sunglasses, but now I'm pretty sure he had been ...ahem...checking my outfit for a VPL***, shall we say.  (Here is where my internal monologue began.  "Aw hell..." I thought to myself).  Finally, as I am walking red-faced, and hurriedly back to my office, I see a (Latino) guy walking towards me.  I am 70% certain I read his lips to say "damn!!!", but it was under his breath so I can't be certain.  Right after that, I got a smile/nod/"hi!" combo.  (And the internal monologue continued...@#$*@#$&@#*&@*$@!!!!!!  Not wearing this &@#$&@ dress again until I hit the gym!!). 

Listen, compliments appreciated, but when 4 different men of 3 different races are making similar comments; I'm pretty sure that my conclusion about the fit of this dress is spot on.  Goodness knows they weren't observing how well I accessorized, using a minor color, or that I emphasized the dress by wearing a neutral tone shoe.  Just sayin'.


*By the way?  I can't stress the importance of foam rolling.  Had I heeded my personal trainer's warning back in April, I wouldn't have gotten myself injured.  Necessitating 16 visits (or more) to a physical therapist, to strengthen my over-used IT band.  (And, as a result, take 5 months off from running, and 2 months off from working out altogether).

**And by hugging, I mean, hanging on for dear life

***VPL:  visible panty line

A little housekeeping :)

46. Complete physical therapy

69. Attempt a new seafood recipe

I've had a productive week!

You don't need Emily Post for this...

Last weekend, I had plans with the hot cop. He had to cancel last minute because of work, but he asked if I was available for the next day. I didn't have any plans, but I was reluctant to make any because I knew the potential for a headache was pretty high since I was getting my hair did. Nonetheless, I still agreed to schedule a meet-up. Well, he ended up standing me up. Normally, this would result in a lot of angry thoughts and text messages involving a few choice words. But my head hurt so damn much from getting a sew-in that I barely noticed he didn't show up. Later, I found out that he didn't show up because he was depressed over the news that he is getting deployed next year. I am not a total bitch, so I was understanding and I felt bad for him. That, and my headache was so bad that had he called, he would have found out that I was planning to cancel on him.

Now, the very next week, AKA on Friday, I asked him if he wanted to hook up after work after I finished up at happy hour with my co-workers. He'd already told me he had the day off, so I knew he was free. He actually agreed. As I was leaving downtown, I asked if he was cancelling on me, as he had done for the past few times we made plans. He then responded to my accusatory text: "No, I'm coming." And that was the last thing I've heard from him. My fault though. At the end of the day, as I've already said, his actions showed he just wasn't that into me. But, I kept attempting to give him the benefit of the doubt for that month, because he kept saying he was sooooo interested and would be switching to a different schedule, allowing for more availability. But, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Given that hot cop and I only went out a grand total of 5 times over the span of 3 months, it's not that big of deal in an individual sense. Hell, I faded him out after the first 2 dates. Dates #3-5 only happened because we had a mutual friend in Jade**. No, the point of this story was for background, in order to give a little lesson to everyone: Standing someone up is never, ever, EVER ok.

It doesn't take a whole lot of common sense* to know that everyone deserves common courtesy. If you decide not to go out with someone, you should tell them (be it a date, a friend, family, anybody!). In this day an age, there is too much available technology to keep someone waiting for more than 15-20 minutes. Anything longer than that requires a call, text, email, carrier pigeon, etc. I mean, really. Even if you're too chicken to actually make that call, you can very easily send a text. "sorry, can't make it today/tonight/this afternoon. something came up." You've still accomplished the blow-off, but you haven't completely wasted the other person's time.

Hey, I understand, sometimes blowing off plans is necessary. Sometimes you don't want to go to the mall. Sometimes, you don't want to endure another boring date. Sometimes you have the worst. headache. ever. For most reasonable people, it's not about the cancellation. We all gotta do it sometimes. It's about the disrespect you've shown by not being able to deign to pick up the damn phone (or carrier pigeon). You are not that special or busy. Show the person you're meeting with that you understand that the world does not, in fact, revolve around you. Just sayin'.

*or a rocket scientist

**Are 3 and 4 even dates? Since the 3 of us were kicking it while she was in town?!

Civil War

My body and my brain are currently in a civil war. My brain is adamantly opposed to weighing more than I did when I reached my end goal in 2011. (We'll call this A#). On the other hand, my body is totally comfortable at my current weight. (We'll call this B#). Now, the difference between A# and B# is literally less than 10 lbs. But, it's a difference that I can see. Ostensibly, it's a difference others can see. Now, don't get it twisted, I always look good. I choose my wardrobe changes carefully, to reflect whatever shape I'm trying to get the world to see. So, it's really not about self-esteem. But, it is a little bit about what others think.

I've spent umpteen amount of time pointing out the differences between genders regarding the definition of beauty. (Ditto for the differences between cultures). But, here's a question...which side of the line do you choose when you're setting a goal? Consistently, whenever I've been in the general vicinity of A#, I've felt super hot (and more importantly, strong and healthy). But, whenever I'm in the vicinity of B#, the men in my life smile a little bit bigger, and make more ridiculous comments. (My favorite comment of all time? When the Titan told me the other day that last summer I was getting too little, was losing my thickness. He said, and I quote "some of those white girls around the gym had you...and we just can't have that during Black History Month." PAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.) Moreover, am I the only person who has this internal debate?

At the end of the day, it's about whatever makes YOU happy. You're the one putting in the work, so you might as well go for what you find sexy (as long as it isn't unhealthy, obvies). But, as the Titan once told me, be prepared for your significant other to "express his opinion." HA. I guess that's ok...since I have sooooo many things to say about his clothes...shoes...cologne...choice of cocktail...extracurriculars...friends... :}.

Check off!

A few more things down...

8. Do something drastic to my hair (Long weave...not quite Kardashian-esque, but definitely out of the box for me!!)

9. Return to working out (Cleared as of last Saturday!!)

28. Get certified as a group fitness instructor


Let's just say, it's been a productive week. What's up next?! (This is one of the rare occasions when I actually believe the journey is just as fun as the destination!

Underneath Your Clothes....

It's no secret that when women get all decked out from head to toe -- in a fly outfit, with matching accessories and perfect shoes -- they are just dressing for other women. At the end of the day, when a gal is looking the bomb-diggity, the boys notice that she looks nice, the girls notice the outfit. And, I think most women are comfortable with this.

As a former Sales Specialist at Victoria's Secret, there was also fashion to be had when it came to the unmentionables. We had matching bra and panty sets, lace, microfiber, cotton, t-shirt, neutrals, brights, the whole nine. And while there may not have been accessories, we certainly sold them as though they were another layer of accessories. Which is what led me to today's question: who cares?!! Allow me to explain.

As we've already established, when you're wearing a kick-ass outfit, other fashionable ladies will notice and admire as appropriate. But...those same ladies are not seeing your unmentionables.* When I was working @VS, I almost never heard a guy say how much he liked the colors and sets. They really just came in looking like lost lambs and buying whatever we told them. The only thing I ever heard a guy say was "man, that'd look nice on the floor next to my bed."**

On a related note, there is a scene in Bridget Jones' Diary where she is trying to decide what kind of underwear to wear. She has the option to put on the industrial strength Spanx -- which make her look slim and trim (and will ultimately lead to a guy wanting to find out what's under her clothes) OR she can put on the pretty little things (which look good when undressed, but does not help her look hot while dressed). It's a dilemma I'm sure every woman has faced at least once in her life. So what's a girl to do? I say, bump the fancy! Why are the girls wearing all of these silly lacy things? Why bother? And don't give me this "I wear it for myself" nonsense. No you don't. There is a direct correlation between fancy and discomfort. If you're going to be uncomfortable, throw on the industrial-strength Spanx. You might as well look good for the girls (aka the gender who cares) and then later on assume the boy is enjoying the fact that they got you naked at all (without regard to which unmentionables are on the floor next to his bed. HA).

*And before you say it, this holds true even if you're a lesbian. Unless you're some kind of crazy slut, best case scenario, you're only showing your unmentionables to 1 woman on any given day. If you are running about flashing the world, well then, I need to hang out with you! Your life sounds WAY more exciting than mine!!!

**Yes really. And yes, it was a guy I was dating at the time.

Fashionable Observations

I've been keeping an eye on fashion trends lately, and it's looking like long and lean (twiggy) is slowly sneaking back into the ready-to-wear consciousness. Lately, the spring preview has been showing a lot of drop-waist dresses, horizontal stripes, and shift dresses. Typically, these styles are meant for tall, leggy, straight up and down type of chicks. Well, I guess they were tired of being left out of the fashion-forward trends. Welcome to the party our curve-challenged sisters!

Now, as for the rest of the trends, spring preview is also showing a lot of wedges. And they are craaaaazy. Bold prints and colors aren't just for shirts anymore. And while I'm on the subject, bold colors are everywhere! Similar to a few years ago when I'd officially reached my fed up point with neutral-toned pants (circa 2003-2004), colorful pants are moving into spring. Mostly, I've seen them in skinny jeans only. I find this puzzling, since it will be way too hot to wear tall boots to go with them. I think this may be a skinny girl only trend, but I have been proven wrong on this point before. Let's just leave this in the TBD column.

All of the colors and trends are looking fabulous. Some of the staples that we loved over the past couple years are staying in: flirty dresses, maxi dresses, and color blocking. Sweet!

Sadly, I'm on a self-imposed shopping hiatus. It was torture living through clearance sale season. And now, awesome fashion trends that I'm itching to try are going to go right past me. Sonuva!! Listen, somebody head out and do some shopping so I can live vicariously through you, ok? Kthxbye!!

An update

Here's the latest scoop on what's been happening with the boys on my island.

The gym rat: no word yet. Checked in with the Titan to ask him if he had turned over my number. He said he hadn't -- yet. His plan was to try to run into the guy at the gym and try to find out if he was interested, and to pass on my number. So, I told the Titan to go ahead, but to not be weird about it. Even though this conversation was by text, I could totally feel him giving me side eye, because his response was "I know how to do this, pheebs. ;)". Well -- don't let me stop you, cuz that boy was fiiiiiiiiiiiine*.

The Titan: While I'm on the subject of the Titan, there's nothing going on there. He is not my man, we are not dating, we are not going to revisit (for the third time!!!) a relationship. Yes, he still calls me nearly everyday. Yes, he is seeing someone else. Yes, that is very strange. No, I'm not going to do anything about it....if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

The round guy: Never called. YAY!**

The hot cop: I can't say that my social experiment has been going all that wonderfully. For one thing, I don't have the patience to play games with the phone. I don't like to not answer a text message, and if something is on my mind, I want to be able to send a text. That said, I did break a cardinal rule and institute a "talk." But, it was just a baby, pint-sized talk. Basically, I just noted that I'm way too awesome to just be a jump-off, so he should actually put forth some effort if he wanted to hook up ever again. But, I couched it on either side with funny and snarky comments. This is his first week off work in something like 6 weeks -- I haven't been asked out yet. My guess? My original hunch that he was hoping to be a day tripper on the island only, and isn't looking to take up any kind of residency or visit schedule was right. I do think we'll always have some sort of snarky text exchange -- our humor is too similar not to :). Other than that, I'm just hanging out, waiting to see what happens next.

The young blood: We have been spending an awful lot of time together lately. He invites himself over to my house, and I instruct him to take me out to dinner. Although, he's stopped paying. He is definitely making sure he stays top of mind, but he hasn't made any romantic overtures. I'm not sure what the deal is, but I figure I might as well ride it out (if for no other reason than it's nice to have male companionship every once in a while -- even if it is missing a romantic element.)

*Which reminds me. The night we were out, the Titan took one look at the gym rat, and said "yeah, he's kinda like me. If I'm Plan A, he's Plan B." HAHAHAHA. The awesome part about that? He was dead serious.

**I'm headed out to throw salt over my shoulder now, to avoid jinxing myself.

Roommate Switch?

Last week, the Titan and I planned a night out. Originally, it was going to be the two of us and our sets of friends. But, ultimately, our friends bowed out so it was just us. We were both out because we wanted to see if we still had it.

To remind everyone, the Titan played basketball in college. 6'5", 245, caramel mocha colored, with kind of light eyes. He rocks a goatee, and a low fade. In a word, tall, dark, and handsome. Turns out, the Titan still has it. I watched him seduce the bartender and get more than half his drinks for free. Then, I saw him get 2 girl's phone numbers, plus a girl gave me her number to give to him. All in all, pretty impressive. Meanwhile, I was charged for all of my drinks (a grand total of two, since they weren't free), and there was no one I was really willing to put forth any effort into meeting.* It was getting near the end of the night, and I was growing tired of sitting by myself at the bar. At one point, I did get hit on by a girl, so that was pretty hilarious. Especially after she hit on the Titan a short while later. But other than that quick blip of hilariousness, I was starting to feel like I'd need a do-over.

Well, around 1 o'clock in the morning, things started getting interesting. I was sitting at the bar, nursing a water, when I saw a tall chocolate-y brother walk up on my right side. He was clearly a gym rat, shaved head, and wearing my favorite color. Then he left, and I was sad. At the time, the Titan was across the room talking to some chick, so I was trying coming up with reasons to leave. Fortunately, the gym rat came back, and he had a shorter, rounder friend in tow. Hooray! Let the flirting commence. When I turned to do a double take (and start the flirting), I made eye contact with the short round guy. Nuts!

The short round guy decided to strike up a conversation. (Darn my flirty eyes!!) Asking me who I was with, how long I'd been there, and whatnot. Typical bar talk. He introduced himself and the gym rat, who by then was on the other side of me. Then, they judged me for my water. I pointed out that I didn't like buying drinks, so I was drinking water. The round guy proceeded to buy my drink of choice and a shot. And he continued the conversation. He was nice enough, and the conversation was good, as far as bar conversation goes. He even pulled in his gym rat friend, so he wouldn't feel left out. I tried to focus as much as I could on the gym rat, and send him brain waves letting him know that he was the one I was interested in. Sadly, he was not psychic and walked away. Noooooo!!!!!

Eventually, the Titan made his way back to me, so I introduced him. The round guy actually bought a round of shots for ALL of us (impressive, I have to say). Shortly thereafter, I had to run to the washroom. While there, I texted the Titan to tell him that the wrong guy was interested. And this is when things got even more interesting. At some point between my run to the washroom and my return, the Titan had managed to make friends with a group of guys out celebrating their friend's birthday. The birthday boy had asked that I come by, to say that he thought I was cute (yay!) but he was married (boo!) and would I like a glass of Moet (hell yeah!). They didn't even ask me to hang out over there. So I just took my champagne and left. HA! When I made my way back to the gym rat and the round guy, the Titan had gotten friendly with the gym rat. Evidently, they both worked out at the same gym** and recognized each other.

The Titan, trying to do me a solid for getting that one girl's number, got the gym rat's phone number. And did a little research. Apparently, the gym rat thought I was cute, but didn't want to pull a robbery from the round guy. (Darn you guy code!!!). So, the Titan is planning to circle back to the gym rat the next time they see each other at the gym. Meanwhile, the round guy asked for my number. While I gave him the real digits, I sent up a little prayer to the dating gods hoping that he wouldn't call. (So far, so good. He hasn't!).

I guess, at the end of the day, I still got it too! And, I may even get a decent date out of the shenanigans. I doubt that -- but if I do, it'd be the greatest roommate switch ever, right? Totally worth it!


*There was one guy who was cute from afar, but when I got up to him, he was far from cute. HA.

**Also known as the gym where I work out. Yay!

2 items down :)

As they say, it feels good to cross things off the list. Allow me to check off a couple items:

37. Go to new restaurants during Restaurant Week
38. Send myself flowers on Valentines Day

What's next?? :)

Experiment, First Observation

So, it went 3 days without contact. Even though it's my nature to respond to texts and phone calls instantly, I didn't this time. It took every ounce of restraint I had to wait 8 hours to get back to him. Actually, since I was annoyed that it took 3 days for him to bother contacting me, it wasn't as difficult as it would normally be.

Now, the last time I waited so long to respond, I ended up with 5 text messages and a phone call in the middle. This time, only 3 text messages -- but they were rapid-fire. Less frantic this time. Anyway, I didn't get several texts and calls this time. But I certainly got a comment. Something to the effect of "wow...nice response times." Later on in the conversation, he asked "so who's the new male interest?" I didn't respond. Honestly, what would be the point? At the moment, there are no other suitors (unless you count the youngblood's psuedo attempt at a comeback); but I don't see what good it does to tell him that. Frankly, I am a little confused as to why he asked me in the first place.

After I was done talking to him, I cut it off. I was out getting my boogey on with the Titan at a local joint...testing the waters to see if I still got it (I do). Hot cop had been working for something like 24 hours, and I suspect was using me as entertainment to keep himself awake. Humph. Not my job. So, when I was done, I cut it off.

No increased chasing yet. I did get more proof that he's just not that into me, though. So far, the self-help-y book writers have a point. Let the experiment continue... :)

Social Experiment 2/17/2012

I forgot to hit the publish button on Friday...but better late than never, right?

So, the hot cop has been more or less opposed to being more than a day tripper on the island. Despite grand overtures in the first couple weeks, it has since fizzled to little more than a random text exchanges here and there.

I first suspected something was up when I left for New Orleans, and the Titan asked me to text him when I got there safely, and the hot cop didn’t really know when I was leaving or when I was supposed to arrive in NOLA. When I finally did hear from him, he was pretty nonchalant about what I was doing and who I was with – even though I tried to get a rise out of him. Given his indifference, I assume that his time on my island was up and that would be that. Of course, nothing is ever that simple with me, is it?

Without getting into too many details, let’s just say that it’s been over a month since we’ve been out, and communication has gone from everyday all day, to 2-3 days with no contact. When there is contact, it’s filled with sweet words and random proclamations (“I miss you.”). But, as I told this dude, actions speak louder than words. And his current actions scream “it’s been real. But I’m just not into you. Kthxbye!”

As my friends and family know, I wasn’t that into this guy in the early days. He just didn’t trip my trigger. Then, something happened and we seemed to click. That only lasted a couple weeks though, so it could easily be swept under the rug and just added to the list of dates I went on just for the stories. Why take it any further, right? Well, two reasons. First, when we were getting along for those 5 minutes, we got along quite well. And during one of the phone-blowing-up periods, he said that he was switching back to the day shift, which he hopes will allow more time for us to get together. Second, I decided I wanted to try a little social experiment.

I’ve read exactly 3 self-help-y relationship books in my lifetime: He’s Just Not that Into You, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo; Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, by Steve Harvey; and Why Men Love Bitches, by Sherry Argov. Each of these were pretty good for a laugh. The first was written by writers for a TV show, the second by an awesome comedian, and the third was recommended to me – and ended up being pretty funny. They all have more or less the same general themes. One of these is “don’t be so accessible…he’ll run to come find you.” As a general rule, I don’t take advice from pop-psychology books. I’m always a little cynical about books written by people about clearly individualized situations. But, since they all say essentially the same thing, I thought I’d give it a shot.

So here are the general rules. (With each specific situation to be analyzed on a case-by-case basis).

1. Do not respond to every contact right away. Do not always be available.
2. Turn down some of his offers for a date. Don't be easy to catch.
3. When you do go out, don't be clingy.
4. Don't be all mother-hen-ish. Seriously, no man wants to date his mother.
5. Don't accept shenanigans. If he's not treating you the way you want to be treated, bounce.
6. Don't show all your cards right away.
7. Do not, ever, feel the need to "talk". It's too early for this.

Let's see where this little adventure takes us...shall we?

Day One

Today is the first day of my 101 things to do in 1001 days. And, I am SO excited! It's my chance to set multiple goals for myself, and give me something to strive for. And so, without any ado, behold, my list!

1. Go to South Beach
2. Save $10,000
3. Complete kitchen
4. Complete bathroom
5. Become a fitness instructor
6. Chase happy rather than money
7. Leave the country
8. Do something drastic to my hair
9. Return to working out
10. Organize paperwork
11. Have palm read
12. Go to Tampa
13. Go to DC
14. Re-start saving for retirement
15. Get a massage
16. Send pics in to a modeling agency
17. Pay off credit cards
18. Buy new car
19. Buy fur lined gloves
20. Buy new rainboots
21. Fire a gun
22. Zip line in Vegas
23. Join a charity board
24. Volunteer 3 times each year
25. Visit Lincoln Park Zoo
26. Eat at Conoce mi Panama
27. Make 3 presentations as a panelist
28. Get certified as a group fitness instructor
29. Go back to Lambeau field
30. Attend 3 cultural events per year
31. Eat a candelit dinner at my dining table
32. Go to a psychologist
33. Have a healthy relationship
34. Bring in 3 new clients
35. Go on a vacation as a couple
36. Ski or snowboard
37. Go to new restaurants during Restaurant Week
38. Send myself flowers on Valentines Day
39. Go to Park 52
40. Go to a Bulls game
41. Visit the Shedd Aquarium
42. Visit the DuSable Museum
43. Visit the Museum of History & Sue
44. Picnic at Millenium Park
45. Attend gospel brunch
46. Complete physical therapy
47. Play tennis
48. Buy Starbucks for a stranger
49. Begin scrapbooking or otherwise organizing pictures
50. Re-frame pics from Arkansas
51. Re-do scrapbook from home
52. Find daily devotional and study
53. Play the slots at a casino
54. Make a sportsbook bet with the Titan
55. Get alarm for condo
56. Eat lobster
57. Play fantasy football in a buy-in league
58. Plant a flower box
59. Take Hip Hop Hustle certification
60. Return to July 2011 weight or better
61. Go salsa dancing
62. Go to family reunion
63. Sell Columbia coat on eBay
64. Attend a concert
65. Attend a jazz concert
66. Attend blues fest
67. See Too White Crew
68. Invent oatmeal recipes
69. Attempt a new seafood recipe
70. Send greeting cards for any reason other than Christmas
71. Bake a cake
72. Send Christmas cards
73. Send written notes to friends and family
74. Reduce sugar intake
75. Have tea at the Drake Hotel
76. Have tea at the Russian Tea Room
77. Learn to drive a stick
78. Get a physical
79. Have a wine tasting party
80. Bake bread
81. Ride a horse
82. Have a brunch party
83. Go to the botanic gardens
84. Visit the Domes (if they're still open)
85. Take Miller Brewery tour
86. Get a bicycle
87. Ride a bike to the gym on a regular basis
88. Donate blood
89. Create a list of 10 movies I must watch, based on friend recommendations and then watch them
90. Donate clothes to Goodwill
91. Organize recipes
92. Spend a day at the beach
93. Don't complain about anything for a week
94. Create 5 new playlists in iTunes
95. Make someone breakfast in bed
96. Have a cocktail in the Signature Room
97. Go to Skydeck at the Sears Tower
98. Learn to jump start a car
99. Ride a motorcycle
100. Read 10 books on a list of 100 books everyone should read
101. Learn to tie a tie

And, I can officially cross off #38. I sent myself flowers for this very Valentine's Day. As established last year, I am soooooo awesome!!

70 things...

Previously, I posted about a list I was making. I'm making a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. The official start date (as suggested by Jade) is February 14, 2012. As Jade put it, Valentine's Day is the perfect start date, because this is the perfect date to show love to yourself. Well put, lady!

Categories can run the gamut, so I've got things like "finish design of kitchen & baths" and "travel out of the country." I've got savings goals, dating goals, and charitable goals. And yet, I still need a ton of time to create my list! I am running out of things to add...I don't want to make a long travel list, because I want to make the list realistic. And in real life, I can't travel to 50 different places in just under 3 years. Same thing for money goals -- you can only do so much with what money you have. So while maybe I'd like to save a million dollars in 1001 days, I won't be making a million dollars in that time.

So what else is there? Or, more specifically, what else do I need to do in the next 2.75 years? I'm totally open to suggestions!

Sowwy...

The past couple weeks, I have been disappointed/irritated/angered by guys. Usually they’ve apologized, and haven’t repeated whatever mistake they made. And yet, I find that after the apology, I was still dissatisfied. I wanted flowers or a mixtape or chocolates or a nice dinner or SOMETHING! What ever happened to the holy art of making it up to a woman? (Because let's face it, the concept was invented by men who were put in the dog house by women scorned).

Brother once told me that he didn't like to take flowers home when he was in trouble, because he didn't want to create that expectation. You know what I say to that? Fine, then what DO you do? Sometimes, an apology is enough. But sometimes, you want the other person to feel the same pain you did when they pissed you off. (Yeah, I said it). Fellas, word of advice? I suggest you buy something for your lady or do something for her if you mess up. I mean, how hard is it to bring her favorite dinner if you didn't notice that she chopped 5 inches off of her hair? Or, how about buying flowers after an argument about whether you could watch the game and skip her sister's baby shower?*

And speaking of flowers. Flowers are making me insane. What's the expression? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Well, I continue to see fellas and expect that they are buying flowers. Turns out? Not the case. If I were a dude, I'd have women falling all over themselves for me, because I would be buying flowers on the regular. And fellas? I haven't forgotten you. Women aren't cooking anymore, are they? Y'all have totally gotten the shaft on that one. So, let's make a Mars and Venus deal. The boys start bringing flowers to put on the table next to the home-cooked meal made by the girls. Ok? Deal? Deal! Just call me the Great Negotiator.

*Clearly a hypothetical. Of COURSE you skip the baby shower.

1001 days

My co-worker gave me a great idea and I'm totally stealing it from her. She was seeking suggestions for her list of 101 things to do within 1001 days. A little googling led me to this website explaining the project.. I love list-making and I love goal-setting, so this just seemed like a nifty journey to embark upon.

The parameters on this website are bit stringent for me. I don't think everything on the list needs to be a "stretch." Sometimes, it's just about getting something done -- or doing something I've always wanted to do. And so, I am now taking suggestions on what to do!

I also wonder what date I should use. If I end it on Dec 31, 2014 (which seemed like an easy date to pick), I don't have to start until April 4. But then, I thought April 4 was so far away that I would lose interest. So then I thought ending it on my birthday of 2014, but I realized that a.) it was too late for 1001 days until that date, and b.) I don't celebrate my birthday anymore. So then, I thought maybe my half birthday would be a good day (November 22, 2014), because I typically begin to clean house and look back over my life around that time. But, it's kind of a lame day to end something. Then, I looked at Christmas Day, 2014. And, that too seemed silly. Maybe I'll start on Chinese New Year of this year...which is January 23, 2012. I'm concerned that might be too soon to come up with a list.

Basically, I'm officially taking suggestions on the list AND on the start (or end) date. I think my backup start date will be Feb 29, 2012, which has me ending on the day before Thanksgiving, 2014. Hm...that could be a good day too.

I'm already excited to start this new journey. Who's with me?!!?

Eff 2011. Bring on 2012!

2011 had its ups and downs for me. There were some great but sporadic highs, but also some very low and dark lows. As far as I’m concerned, the second half of the year was more or less a lost year. Which is fine – every year can’t be amazing. As one blogger put it, 2011 blew goat’s balls. That said, things were beginning to get rosier near the end of the year…that is, until December 31, 2011. That’s when 2011 really decided to act a fool.

I’d just completed the first of a four day weekend, and I’d enjoyed myself tremendously. That Friday, December 30, I began my day with some serious sleeping in. Then, I moved on from there to the loafing on my couch portion of the evening. I got in some high quality bad television watching (I’m looking at you Steve Wilkos, Judge Judy, and Dr. Phil). Basically, I spent a day off work the way God intended. The next day, I woke up (after another excellent sleeping-in session) and decided to run some errands and generally get my life together since I figured I’d be too hungover on New Year’s Day to do anything resembling productivity.

First, I proceeded to Target to purchase some holiday storage solutions and an over-the-door hook for my new peacock-feather wreath. After Target, the plan was to go to the grocery store to get various food and sundries for the week, then to Starbucks to get my fix, and then on to Home Goods and the local wine store. After completing my rather productive circuit, I’d head home and get ready for the evening’s pseudo-festivities.

The first stop went well; I was pretty impressed with myself for remembering to take my coupon. Afterwards, I headed over to the grocery store and did some more coupon-saving damage.* Following a bankrupting shopping excursion o’foodstuffs, I then headed over to ‘bux to get a decaf soy latte with honey.**

Finally, it was time to head to Home Goods. It had been over a week and I was worried that the discounted home décor store was starting to miss me. And, I was going for a cookie sheet since I’d mistakenly destroyed mine last month. Upon pulling into the always crowded parking lot, I realized that for the 3rd shopping trip in a row, I’d forgotten the over-the-door hanger for the blasted wreath. S#!&!!! As I sat in the parking lot cursing the fah-reaking peacock wreath that I just HAD to have but so-help-me-was-going-back-to-the-store if I didn’t get a hanger soon, I took a nice long swig of my cooling ‘bux and felt better. Damn peacock wreath was really starting to work my nerves. ANGRYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I got myself into Home Goods and over to the cookie sheet section, I found that they still had an abundance of the brand I wanted. (Rachel Ray’s Oven-Lovin’ Sheet, for those keeping track…). I set my still twee-bit-hot-to-drink beverage on the glass shelf above the cookie sheet, and pulled out GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And there’s my Starbucks, all over the floor. #$&@(#&$@(#@(%*(%_)!&%. [INSERT EXPLETIVES HERE].

I proceeded to the register after informing a nice young man that I’d spilled my basically full cup of coffee all over the floor. When I got to the register, I found out that the cookie sheet was $5 more than I thought – and scratched – but given that I had to hold it flat because it had drippings of coffee on it, I was too embarrassed to ask them to give me a different one. How sad is that?

Since my coffee was gone, after the wine store I went to Chipotle to buy myself a completely unauthorized meal to make myself feel better. (Well that, and because the only calories I’d consumed at this point was 2 sips of my long-lost beverage and a TLC granola bar purchased at Target – when I SHOULD have been purchasing a damn over-the-door hanger). I got myself a nice little burrito bowl, and headed home.

I carry 4 bags of not-very-well packed groceries, my holiday storage solution, and my Chipotle up three flights of stairs. Groceries put away, I reached for the Chipotle bag, which was all wet. Why? Because it had tilted on the way up the stairs and I hadn’t noticed. I lost some of my delicious salsa to the paper bag. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!! That right there? Was the last damn straw that broke the hobbled camel’s back. DAMN YOU 2011!!!! Disgusted, I put the burrito bowl in a non-leaking stoneware bowl, heated it, and demolished the entire thing with a glass of wine.

Take THAT 2011. Just when I thought I’d given you a bad rap, and maybe you weren’t so bad, turns out, you kick me in the teeth on the last day. So screw you 2011! I’m totally leaving you for 2012, and I don’t feel bad about it!


*Including a $5 coupon for razorblades, since I figured it was time to de-fuzz my legs for the first time since the local temperature was above 70 degrees. What? Like you were looking at my tights- or pants-covered legs. Pfft. Don’t judge me.

**AKA a Boston Latte and my newest obsession, thanks to former Masshole kd.

Not an Inspiration for the Dixie Chicks

There was a hit country song that came out when I was in college by the Dixie Chicks called "Wide Open Spaces." Let me tell you something. That song? Was not a song about me. Hi, my name is pheebee. And I'm an agoraphobic.

Earlier this week, I was invited by a friend from high school to her house to hang out with her, her husband, 2.5 kids and their white picket fence. She was throwing a little shindig for her really good friend (and incidentally, my very first non-elementary-school boyfriend*), his wife, their 2.5 kids, and their family SUV. As I was preparing (dreading) going, I had all kinds of thoughts going through my head, which mainly consisted of "What in the devil am I going to do at a 'family-friendly' party?!". But alas, I overcame my apprehension and decided to go. Why? Because I hadn't seen these people in forever, and in high school they were kind of cool. And, if I was lucky, the kids would be sleeping by the time I got there. ;).

So, I checked the address and realized that girlfriend had moved from the old 'hood to BFE. And I told her I thought as much as I was messaging her about my drive. I'd always heard of BFE, but I'd never actually attempted to go there. Far as I was concerned, if it wasn't in the city or an adjacent county, then it'd better be on the way to the city I lived in. In order to get there and not get lost, I jumped on Google Maps and requested some solid directions. Google estimated my trip to take about 40-45 minutes. Knowing that Google always assumes that you're driving a Maserati that's invisible to speed traps, I also knew that this estimate was exceptionally low. I allotted for just under an hour of drive time -- not including the stop I had to make at a liquor store.**

Here's the thing. I have 2 random phobias, ok? One of them, is not really relevant here, and I refuse to admit that I have it. The other is agoraphobia. I get all kinds of panicky and anxious when I'm far enough out of the city that the highways and byways no longer have street lights. And this is precisely where I was headed. Gah! Anyway, I got there safe, had a good time catching up and talking trash.

But, here's where the story becomes worth posting about. As I was leaving, my Ma asked me if I wanted to take some money to fill up her gas tank. And the reason she asked was not because there wasn't any gas in the car, but because I was going so far out of the city and "you don't really know where you're going." Petulant teenager that I become where my Ma is involved, I said I didn't need any stinkin' gas, and it wasn't that far to BFE, for heaven's sake. It's not like I was trying to get to the Capitol! I had just over a 1/4th of a tank and I'd gone farther with less before!! Seriously!

Well, as I was headed back to my parents' house, I realized that what was just over a 1/4th of a tank when I left, was rapidly becoming an 1/8th of a tank. But the gas was actually more expensive in BFE than it was in the city (yeah, I was that far out. They probably have to pay an import/export fee out there or something, since it's so far away). I was really going to push it til I got home. And then...(dum dummm DUMMMM!!!!!!) the check engine light came on. CRAP! I'm driving merrily along, and I'm internally panicking because I have a check engine light, there are no street lights around, and OMG WHERE AM I?!!?! I convince myself that the engine light is really code for low fuel so I decide to care of that small matter ASAP.

I pull off the freeway at the first exit with a blue sign for fuel. And, I'm thinking to myself that I would 1. never admit to my Ma that she was right and I should've gotten gas before I left; 2. that my face will freeze off while I'm pumping, which is really a shame; 3. that I would never EVER in a million years stop at a gas station in the middle of the night if I was in the city or back in Iowa but...what are the odds anyone else will be there to rape and pillage me?

Funny story, when I finally got to the gas station, all the lights were off and I was convinced I wouldn't be able to get anything. Because hey, it's the country and they close everything down, and they don't have automated systems because it's (all together now...) BFE. But they did have a pay outside option, and the pumps were still on (station was closed though. Wouldn't be satisfying my beef jerky quota any time soon). And, there was no one around...until I heard vrooooooommmmmmm! At this point, I'm thinking about how most crimes are crimes of opportunity, and I surely just gave some fool an excellent opportunity to perpetrate a crime against me...and here I was without my pepper spray, in BFE where no one would hear me scream.

The car that squealed it's way into the gas station was a silver Infinity sports coupe. Immediately I figured it was a drug dealer***. When the car got to the pump that was the farthest away from mine, the driver got out. And...wait for it...it was Doogie freakin' Howser meets Duckie meets DJ Conner. He was skinny as a beanpole with dark hair and glasses. At first I wondered why he wasn't in bed sleeping because it was so clearly past his bedtime. Then I dared him (in my head) to just try something because I was pretty sure that I outweighed him by 20 lbs. So much for his crime of opportunity. Guess that kid would just have to stick with living a straight-laced life as a etymologist somewhere.

I gassed up and got back on the road. And, wouldn't you know the check engine light STILL didn't go off? The next day I found out it was actually that the coolant levels were low. So, all that trouble for what? Being scared half to death by a child that was joyriding his daddy's car to the gas station.

And that right there? Is why we stick to the city and adjacent counties. Anything else will lead to stopping for gas at 12:30 in the morning...and no good can come of that. ;)





*And by boyfriend, I mean guy I asked to Turnabout in 10th Grade. Exciting, I know.

**PS. When going to someone's house, act like you have some home training. Take a hostess' gift and if it's a bottle of wine or liquor that doesn't get opened (or finished), it's tacky to take it back with you. You leave it there. (Yeah, I'm looking at you, Titan).

***Because Infinity sports coupes are big in the drug dealer industry? Clearly. Why else would I think it...not like I'd make something like that up. Riiiiiight.

Propaganda?

Sometimes I wonder about what's going through my head. I'm truly wondering if I'm a twee bit nut-so.

So, here's the deal. The other day, I was sitting around and I started to think about Disney. You know what I don't understand? Why is Disney out and out promoting straight-up propaganda? They've taken an entire segment of society that has been rightfully cast out to the gutters of society, and are constantly promoting them and trying to get all of us to accept them. You know what I think that is? BOGUS.

Who am I talking about? Mice. I mean, for real. Did ol' Walt have a secret fetish that no one ever knew about? First, there is Mickey. And Mickey is kinda cute, with his little squeaky voice and his cute little coordinating outfits. There was also duckies, doggies, et al. But then, along came Minnie. So, are we trying to procreate? But ok, I get it. All the animals go on the ark two by two. Fair enough, everyone needs a buddy. Cool. Besides, Minnie was likely the one running the show.

But...then there are all the mice of Cinderella. All of them are squeaking and talking and wearing little outfits. Moving through cinematic history, mice keep showing up in Disney movies, etc etc. Then, we end up in one of the more recent movies, Ratatouille...which featured an ENTIRE DAMN KITCHEN of mice. And, the restaurant critic meets the mice and he doesn't freak out. He has an entire conversation and shakes the hand of the little rodent. Ewwwwww!!!!!!!!!

I don't understand what is happening. On the rare occasion that they do show a mouse in the light that they're supposed to be; they are always rats, with creepy red eyes. EWWWWW AGAIN!!!!! Why is Disney trying to get us to embrace mice? What's up with that? Is there something we don't know?

A few weeks ago, my downstairs neighbor told me a story about a clogged drain. Evidently, one of the bathroom drains was plugged up, and nothing was working...not Drano or using a plunger, nada. So he decided to do a little manual investigating. Lo and behold he found the clog...and he's pretty sure it was a tiny little baby mouse. Excuse me, a DEAD baby mouse that had tried to climb up the drain and snack on all the non-poisonous food in the house. Let me tell you something. If there is ever a time where there's some little rodent running around my house -- or if I find one that died somewhere in my house -- EVERYBODY will know about it. It'll be clear after you hear the blood-curdling screams coming from my unit. Followed by the immediate packing of all my worldly possessions and the "For Sale" sign that will be posted on the front of the building, immediately.

And I don't give a rat's-behind what Disney or anyone else has to say about it.