You Make Me Laugh

Bill Bryson is hysterical. Absolutely nuts and therefore his writing made me LOL. Literally, I laughed out loud. I'm sure my neighbors upstairs think I am some kind of maniac since they've undoubtedly heard me laughing loudly and uncontrollably for the past couple nights -- but I think we can consider it even since they continue to train clydesdales up there. Anyway, allow me to post a teensy excerpt (or 2 or 3) from his book "I'm a Stranger Here Myself":

From a chapter on funny statistics:
" Consider this intriguin fact: Almost 50,000 people in the U.S. are injured each year by pencils, pens, and other desk accessories. How do they do it? I have spent many long hours seated at desks where I would have greeted almost any kind of injury as a welcome diversion, but never once have I come close to achieving actual bodily harm."

"But the people I would really like to meet are the 142,000 hapless souls who received emergency room treatment for injuries inflicted by their clothing. What can they be suffering from? Compound pajama fracture? Sweatpants hematoma? I am powerless to speculate.

From a chapter on taxes:
"Complete Sections 47-52 first, then proceed to even-numbered sections and complete in reverse order. Do NOT use this form if your total pensions and annuities disbursements were greater than your advanced earned income credits OR vice versa."

"If you have any questions about filing,, or require assistance with your return, phone 1-800-BUSY-SIGNAL. Thank you and have a prosperous 1999. Failure to do so may result in a fine of $125,000 and a long walk to the cooler."

I found the chapter on taxes especially funny having just completed Tax 1A. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did, and I also hope you were not caught snickering inappropriately at your desk. If by chance you were, just read them the above passage, and I'll bet you'll get a raise. :)