Thursday, January 31, 2008

I beg to differ

So there I was, reading the RedEye, when I cam across a rather absurd article. It was actually a book review, so the article wasn't absurd so much as the book is absurd. Anyway, the name of the book is "Rules of the Game."

The premise sounds logical enough. This guy has deemed himself a pickup artist, and has decided to share this knowledge with hapless guys out there who are not smooth-as-buttah. Ok, fine. I can handle that. The Game doesn't come naturally to everyone. And it takes a helluva lot of guts to walk up to a girl and pull a connection/relationship out of thin air. I am totally on board with that notion.

However, I'd like to see some proof of this guy's player card. Frankly, I question his ability to pick up a woman based on a few of the tips the RedEye pulled out to share with its readership. The first tip: Read Cosmo. His reasoning is sound -- it's hot to men when women can speak intelligently and enthusiastically about sports. Therefore it should be hot when men speak intelligently and enthusiastically about things women care about. But Cosmo?! Some titles from Cosmo: "How to make him hot". "Best sex position EVER." "How to have an orgasm right now!"...Are these really appropriate first met topics? And are you really proving you're interested in things the object of your desire is interested in? No. You're not.

Another tip: Do magic tricks. I'm NOT making this up. This man seriously suggests doing a magic trick in the bar, because "if you're bored in a bar, then you'd rather be entertained by someone." Perhaps this is true. But I will find you nothing but cheesy and lame if you're doing magic tricks in the bar. At that point, the only magic I want to see is you disappearing. I'm just saying.

I can't tell you how to get your mack on if you don't have the confidence to do it. But I can definitely tell you that I will not be duly impressed by your knowledge of Cosmo, or your magical ability. Honestly, can't you just say hello?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

New Year, New Companion?

So, about a week ago, I told my friend Kdub that I thought I was ready for a boyfriend. I specifically, categorically, absolutely was NOT ready for a boyfriend when I first got here. I mean, new city, new job, new apartment...oy! The last thing I needed on top of all that was a relationship. Especially since I didn't yet have a real circle of friends.

Well, now I have that new circle of friends. And the city, job, and apartment are really old hat at this point. (Although, with any luck -- and by luck I mean a little (tons) of help from the Man Upstairs-- I'll have a NEW job soon.) So, I think I'm finally ready to turn my full attention to a relationship. Which is what I told Kdub. Her answer, of course, was "whose the guy?" Well now, how should I know? I haven't found him yet.

I had high hopes for the boxer -- he was probably one of the most attractive guys I've ever dated. But he didn't turn out to be the one. He was too frickin' needy. And, I'm still not convinced that he was after any more than gettin' laid. And, of course, Snowflake was so, well, flaky. As a side note, the Ninja recently made an offer, and as nice as it was -- I'm not convinced it's the right choice to make. So, the moral of the story, no firm prospects at the moment.

In related news, around this time last year, I was obsessing over getting a pet bunny. (Awwwww). Of course, I essentially dropped the idea due to finances and the fact that bunnies, though cute, don't really trip my trigger as a pet. But I never really got over wanting a pet. For exactly 5 minutes, I considered getting a dog. Of course, we all know that I wasn't going to walk a dog and pick up its poo. Furthermore, I've always been a cat person. So, now I've decided to make an attempt at getting a cat. AND I'm even taking steps to make it happen. I've actually made an appointment with my doctor to have allergy testing. I know I'm allergic to cats, but the real questions are (a) how allergic, and (b) what exactly am I allergic to (hair/dander/Feld-1).

So, basically, I've decided it's time for a new companion. Either a boyfriend, or a cat, or both. I've always said if I wanted something around that I had to feed and pet all the time, I'd get a boyfriend rather than a dog. I guess we'll find out if that's true after all :).

Monday, January 07, 2008

I'm Agile, Like a Mongoose

That's a quote from NBC's salute to the 90s, "American Gladiator". Of all the reality/game shows, this is quickly becoming my favorite. I love LOVE LOVE this show. God Bless NBC for bringing it back.

In completely unrelated news, I recently received "The Play of the Week" award from the playette's association. I didn't really set out to get it. The opportunity just fell in my lap. But as Bud once said on The Cosby Show "When opportunity knocks, open the door." Here's what happened:

So, there I was, realizing that the date with the Drank Realtor was not going to go well. Essentially, the Drank Realtor earned his name because he asked me if I wanted to "grab a drank." And then he said it 2 more times. And then I called him out for citing to a T-Pain song. To which he responded "I know a stripper who's also a bartender who can make a mean drank." *Sigh*. it was at that point I realized that I needed a rescue from this date. Unfortunately, neither MMM nor Kaia were answering their phones. So what did I do? I called Snowflake! Not only did he answer, but also agreed to go to dinner AND pick me up from the ridiculous date with Drank Realtor. That's right. My second date picked me up from my first one. I am SO awesome.

Anyway, for multiple reasons (too old, too ridiculous, he quoted TPain songs when asking me out), the Drank Realtor has no shot of a second date. Interestingly, Snowflake and I did not share a goodnight kiss. This was our 4th or 5th date. At this point, I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want a romantic relationship either. Although, I'm not entirely certain why he keeps paying. But whatever.

So, I almost outdid myself, because I scheduled a date with the boxer for the next night. Unfortunately, he had to work. And then, for what would've been the post-date activity, he picked a fight and therefore didn't come. (Don't even get me started on the content of that fight. Suffice it to say that he was ticked because I wouldn't pick him up). By the way, I am once again declaring my done-ness with the boxer, and I will NOT get distracted by those abs. (Moment of silence for the hotness). I'm serious! For real this time. I am done. Like Nextel. Done. |

Did I mention that I saw the Ninja over NYE? ;)