Did you take your vitamins today?

Do your parents think you're a little slow too? I've been noticing the comments that both children make about their parents, and comments parents make to their children, and I've made the official discovery that parents must believe their children are complete morons. Allow me to demonstrate:

Example #1: During the summer, when I'm leaving to go out to the bar or club, my mother inevitably asks me "don't you want to take a jacket?". Now, I am perfectly capable of determining whether or not I'm cold aren't I? Therefore, if I was cold, I'd likely remember to take a jacket. And yet we have this conversation each time I leave for the club. Apparently my mother doesn't have confidence in my temperature sensing abilities.

Example #2: A former colleague of mine got her driver's license recently. There was a second family car lying around, and her mother gave it to her. However, her mother withheld the spare set of keys. Now, a reasonable person would probably be able to a.) make a copy or b.) request the spare set. However, these steps would really only affect one's ability to drive if the original set of keys was lost. Is it just me, or does one have to believe their child is rather slow and would therefore believe that not having the spare set would prevent operation of the vehicle?

Example #3: Lest you think it's just mothers who lack confidence in their children's ability, allow me to proffer this example. My college friend kd had a cell phone that was part of her parents' family plan. Her father was a bit perturbed at the phone bill one day, and threatened to turn the phone off. Apparently rendering her incommunicado. However, this would only be an effective strategy IF a.) said friend was living at home and unable to get a different phone or b.) if she was unemployed and desperately relied on the cell phone. Neither of these things were true. Therefore, her father must have relied on her inability to arrive at a cellular phone retail store and purchase a cell phone, and pay the bill from the income she received from her job.

The moral of the story is, either being someone's child renders you completely inept, or parents don't particularly believe in their ability to raise competent adults. So tell me, which is it? :)

Produce

So, the grocery store has long since been a staple of sitcom romance scenarios. However, until recently, I'd never known anyone to be hit on, or to hit on anyone at a grocery store. But oh, my last sanctuary of safety has alas been taken away. I was at the grocery store last week, minding my own business, purchasing ingredients for the dinner I was cooking. I stopped by the magazine rack to get new reading material. I was promptly accosted by James.

James was probably a 5.7 on the looks scale. Good height, ok face, nice build. But not anything to really write home about. He may have been one of those guys to grow on you with sufficient personality. Sadly, he did not have the requisite personality. His smooth opening line was, "let me read your shirt, ma". Ok, not smooth, but a decent and non-annoying opening. We'll give him a 6 on the smoothness scale (only whole numbers on that scale). His score quickly declined mere minutes into the conversation. He proceeded to attempt to generate a bond out of thin air. He failed miserably. His score declined further upon his attempt to secure my phone number. Naturally, I refused it, but I told him I'd take his. He had neither pen, nor paper, and so I sent him off to the customer service desk in hopes of shaking him by the time I was finished checking out. But, my plan was foiled by a cheerful, but rather slow checker.

Alas, he re-approached me, complete with his phone number. He offered to carry my bags, stating that he "normally doesn't let the woman carry the load". (Score drops yet again). Persistent one that he is, he walked me all the way to my car. Time enough for me to find out that he doesn't have kids. In fact, he doesn't have kidS. He has one. (Overall score officially a 0.)

Thus ends my story. And my last safe haven. :)

Too much time

I just received an email from Bin Laden. The email announced that Osama bin Laden had been caught. This particular piece of spam made me laugh. I mean really, why would a spammer choose this as an email to send people? Logically, would bin Laden announce his own capture via mass emails to random email addresses? I didn't think so either.

But, what I did learn from this is that someone has far too much time on his or her hands and has decided to amuse himself by sending asinine emails out. I can't say that I blame him. Being unemployed and directionless has it's moments -- like reading all those books you've been meaning to read for the last 3 years, and then some. But the endless days that stretch ahead filled with ridiculous daytime judge show after judge show is rather unfulfilling. That plus the constant reminder by everyone around you of your lack of job status gets to be taxing. And by constant, I absolutely do mean daily. And what can you say? They really just want to know when the next exciting thing in your exciting life is going to happen. Sadly, my exciting life is somewhat lacking.

On the other hand, I do have some exciting times. Last night, I went to a bar that I haven't yet been to. I must have seen at least 3 people that I knew, one of whom I hadn't seen in 7 years! It was definitely pretty sweet to see him. Although, it was somewhat sad because dude definitely grew up to be quite a looker, I gotta be honest. (I may have been tricked by the green eyes though. I am a HUGE sucker for green eyes -- let us not forget the most recent ex.) I suspect, however, that he was there with his g/f. (Rats).

On a related note, men keep throwing phone numbers at me. But, let me dispel any notions of possibilities. The phone numbers I've been getting have been from men who are too old, too young, too silly, too moronic, too busy with kid(s). Gah! Where are the perfectly aged, sufficiently intelligent, completely unattached men at anyway? At this rate, I'm not even getting to kiss the frog, let alone find out if he's a prince! To that end, I do have a quasi-entertaining story. But as this post is already far longer than necessary, you'll just have to wait until next post. HA! (I've definitely become very easily entertained. The very implication of that cliffhanger made me laugh.)

The virtuous woman

I once said to a co-worker that patience is a virtue. She retorted that she was not a virtuous woman. These days, I'm feeling her.

Aside from waiting for that job to come along, and waiting to get my test results (topics I'm certain EVERYONE within a 75 mile radius is tired of me griping about), let's talk about my one true test of patience. My self-imposed-but-highly-necessary spending freeze. I am on a spending freeze to end all spending freezes with no hope of thaw in sight. Gotta say, it's not a good time.

I decided that I am not going to spend any money until a time t.b.d. It's killing me! Aside from the fact that stores abound with summer fashions that they must be rid of immediately, there is also the not-so-insignificant matter of the new fall fashions that I absolutely need. Despite my previous post about the psuedo-dire forecast about the state of fashion, my hope for the season was buoyed when I saw this month's magazine. Apparently, the hideous stretch pant phenom is reserved strictly for casual-wear. An area I can entirely ignore and hopefully avoid. Moreover, it appears that while this particular fashion is catching on faster than FloJo could run a mile, only those who truly look good in it are participating. Apparently, those blessed with curves are avoiding this particular trend like the plague, and leaving it to those woefully lacking in hips and butt. (Incidentally, while in fashion, it is desireable to be shaped like a pencil, it appears that in the beauty realm of the real world, womanly curves are still being hailed as the greatest thing since wifi). Basically, it's a sad state of affairs when all of this fashionable goodness is taking place around me, and the only needless expenditure I've allowed myself is a short no-fat sugar-free vanilla latte.

As a slight consolation prize, the spending freeze applies to food and alcohol as well. Although is slightly looser terms. I'm still allowed to spend a few dollars on a drink or two if I'm out with friends, but usually not enough to prevent me from driving. (Read: 1 alcoholic beverage and 1 sober beverage). I'm not really allowed to spend on prepared food, unless I desperately need to fulfill a craving. Thus, I'm eating healthier by default. (Read: I'm doing the cooking these days, and I'm making an attempt at healthier foods. Moreover, I usually don't want to create any more dishes than necessary, making eating less likley to happen if it means I have to use a plate or silverware). I may lose that study-weight faster than previously thought. Cutting out snacking sure makes it easier. On the other hand, if someone offered me a killer piece of cheesecake right now, I'd accept it and propose marriage to whomever it was.

Red Toenails

Well, I think we're safe. I've searched for myself numerous times, and there has been no pointing to this website. Thus, my smart-alecky comments shall return, in the usual anonymous fashion. I will, however, be slowly deleting all pictures that show myself or people I know. I am still of the opinion that if someone wants to know more about me, they darn well better ask about me and NOT utilize everyone's favorite search engine and find all sorts of facts out of context.

Anyway, I am in a period of transition. I can't say that I'm enjoying my time off, because it's so indefinite. Nor can I say that I'm not enjoying it, because, frankly -- what's more fun than sitting on your arse doing whatever you darn well please? So basically, it's up and down with this time off. It's like an endless summer vacation. Except the fact that it's endless is darkened by the cloud of uncertainty.

At any rate, my toenails are red. I painted them just last week, and it's quite bright. It makes me happy. But, in spite of the name of this post, that is not the topic of this post. The topic was really a forewarning that I'll be back to writing smart-alecky comments. But I thought I'd give you a toenail-color-update to tie everything together.