Thursday, May 28, 2009

Inaccurate Reflection

I'm watching "So You Think You Can Dance." One of the contestants says "I was really confident up until I saw myself on video, now I'm not sure." Deep thoughts from a reality show contestant. I have to day, I totally feel him on that though. Does this ever happen to you? I'm out and about, feeling fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, thanks to my super-friendly bedroom mirror. Then I get to an accurate reflective surface and it's like oh goodness who let me out looking like this?! Frankly, it's not a good feeling.

I hear we humans are quite good at fooling ourselves. When a couple is in love and gets married, they don't update the image of each other 30 years down the road. So, they still see that same glowing fabulous person that they married. Weird huh? And, I heard on the Today Show, that lots of people don't weigh themselves. Those people tend to lose less weight/weigh more. It's as though by not weighing themselves, they can convince themselves that they haven't gained weight.

Oh we humans, we're so very gullible.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

HP Update

See that? That's a play on computer/printer updates. Anyway, this is a blog about the humping penguin. Here's what's been happening:

Basically, we had our first date, and he worked my last nerve. Then, he kept working my last nerve. The short version of the story is, I was a total pill and sick of listening to a story that wouldn't end, so in an effort to get him to make a point, I said "land the plane." I fully acknowledge and admit that this was not appropriate first date banter. I even half-apologized after he pointed it out. But, here's where he starts tap dancing on my nerves. He kept repeating it after aforementioned apology. Ok, I deserve it. 5 times in one day, fine. Incidentally, after the date is over, he hugs me goodbye, and I think to myself "Sigh. Not nearly as hard as the Titan -- abs I mean! Get your mind out of the gutter!!!"

Anyway, over the course of the next week or so, I hear/read this phrase over and over again. So, finally I say, let's drop it forever and ever Amen, ok? So, I think this is the end of it. I think wrong, he says it again! I am BEYOND irritated, and I tell him so (albeit in a nice way).

Anyway, we don't have anymore dates. He doesn't ask, and honestly? I don't particularly care. Thereby winning the bet I had with the Engineer, (a bet he squelched on, but that's a story for another day). We do, however, continue to talk, and forge a friendly, networking relationship. he even brings me chocolate (in an attempt to bribe a co-worker into using his web-hosting company).

He even takes me out for beverages for my birthday. Yeah, things get a little strange at that point. He calls me, after said beverages, and makes a ninja-style proclamation. He says that he's failed at every relationship he's ever had, but he wants me in his life always. So, ok, that's...interesting.

Anyway, today, he brought me flowers. He said it was because he'd seen my posting on Facebook wishing that a guy would bring me flowers. And might I mention, that is a GREAT way to start the day. (A day that quickly went downhill, but that's a story for another day too.) So, I called to say thanks, and he asks me to send an email thanking him so his boss could see that this was the way to do business. So, I'm totally cool with that. And then he calls back later, and would you believe the first words out of his mouth are "land the plane"? I swear I could've killed him. Instead, I hung up on him (with warning). Then, I called back and told him that my phone got disconnected. ARRRRGH!

Ok, so the moral of the story, I'm never ever ever gonna date this guy.

Hitched or Ditched

So, I'm watching The CW's new "reality" show "Hitched or Ditched." Ironically, the gay community staged a protest down Halsted as a result of California's narrowly upheld ban on gay marriage.

Anyway, I think this may be my new guilty pleasure show. The basic premise of the show is a couple that's been dating forever gets a free wedding. The catch is that they only get 7 days to decide whether they want to get married. On the last day, at the wedding, everyone is all dolled up, dress is on, ring is picked, cake is baked, and then the couple decides whether or not they'll be married. Unbelievable, right? It's purely craziness. In the first news, it's a couple that's been dating for far too long, and has yet to commit. Both families think it's a bad idea. They've each said that they aren't necessarily sure. As I watch this, the bride is at her bachelorette party, and she totally denies that she's going to get married. The husband decides to go crash the bachelor party. (Idiot). Drama, of course, ensues -- including him throwing a bottle on the floor while being interviewed by camera. No, he didn't throw it at anyone.

He tells the bride that they need to go, and pulls her out of the bar. She tells him that she's not ready to go -- and proceeds to go back in the bar and drink and party more. Good for her! Idiot. Who crashes a bachelorette party?

I can hardly wait for the ending to see what happens. Which only pumps up my interest for future episodes! Hello, guilty pleasure. :)

Monday, May 25, 2009

Cud chewers

Ok, I admit it. I just don't understand why some people believe it's ok to walk around chewing with their mouth open. I'm in 'bux today, and I just couldn't help myself. I was staring. This girl, a little blonde yuppie girl, enjoying her cinnamon swirl coffee cake. WITH HER MOUTH OPEN. Seriously! It wasn't like a my-nose-is-stuffy kind of chew. It was a I-have-no-home-training kind of chew. I don't understand how she doesn't have TMJ with that super hard chewing.

Equally as bad? The ninja. First of all, he's in flat out denial that he chews with his mouth open. But, he also drinks like he's just spent 15 days in the Sahara Desert. NO beverage is that good. Not a tasty 'bux drink, or an adult beverage, or some magically delicious combination of both.

Oddly, it doesn't bother me at all when people talk with their mouth full. I can only assume that this is a result of my enjoyment of lively dinner conversation. Witty banter is a near impossibility if everyone is sitting about chewing politely.

In other news, I nearly called the Titan this weekend because I really wanted a boy to play with for my birthday. I was successful in resisting the urge, given my incredible disgust for feeding a big-headed man's ego. Hopefully my resolve holds out.

In still other, (more important) news, the Engineer will be making another trip east. Which, of course, means that I have between now and then (10 days) to drop all the weight I gained since he last saw me in San Francisco. Note to self: stop eating tasty and delightful things, and start eating icky healthy things.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Motivating factors

See this? This is me writing a blog about nothing instead of doing any sort of packing. Lately, I've noticed my energy being completely zapped without warning or reason. The last time I felt like this, it was a direct result of the sheer magnitude of displeasure for my job. Now, I hardly feel the same way about my current position. Sure, I'm not the biggest fan of my current position. But, it's not so bad that it makes me want to stab myself in the eyeball. On the other hand, I guess I'm not all that enthused about it either.

Anyway, this lack of energy has been extending to my workout regimen. (Enter the feeling of missing the Titan for his obvious motivating energy). Unfortunately, I've only been to the gym once in the past three weeks. Bah! This is terrible because a.) I don't look as cute, and b.) I have a very special visitor coming in 3 weeks. How does one get motivated to drop some weight in 3 weeks so that when a certain engineer arrives into town his jaw hits the ground?

I really need to re-commit to my general goals. Suggestions?

Monday, May 11, 2009

Lactating

So, I decided to go to the gym. Oddly, I went because I assume I want to be a hot mama for the Memorial Day holiday. But honestly? This was the first time in a long time that I didn't feel like I had to go; despite the fact that I have for sure gained weight.

Anyway, this was my first time at the gym in about 3 weeks, give or take. Bad idea to take that kind of time off. Man, my skin was itching like I had poison ivy from the inside. SiQ has informed me that this itchy horrible feeling is the result of lactic acid, and is solved by eating bananas. Unfortunately, I kind of hate bananas.

I must have had enough lactic acid coursing under my skin to give the nearest infant heartburn. (See that? That's why I wanted to write this blog -- just for that one-liner right there. Clever, no?)

I'm going to try to officially jump back on the wagon. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

A country mile

This Sunday, after church, I went to brunch with some friends. Well, my city has this fabulous new policy of requiring everyone to carry an entire freakin' roll of quarters in order to park your car. I, unfortunately, do not have access to a bank vault at the drop of a hat. So, after about 29 minutes, I went to the front of the restaurant to get change. They didn't have any. And thus started my adventure on a country mile.

Next, I went to the concierge desk of the hotel next door, to ask for quarters. Nope, no quarters there either. They sent me to yet another restaurant. Nope, no quarters there either. So, I start debating with myself whether to risk a ticket, or just suck it up and pay to park in a structure. On my way to the car, (a $50 ticket is just not worth the $7 I'd save), I spot a cop car. I'm a little bit irritated with the city, so I decide to be snotty with the cop. I ask him if he has quarters. Would you believe he gave me $1.25? So, that's only enough for like 6 minutes, so I tell him never mind, I'll just move my car. He totally gives me the green light to not worry about getting a ticket. He's, apparently, the beat cop on the street. Although he noticeably didn't ask which car was mine. He does, however, offer me a ride back to the restaurant.

Well, I'm wearing heeled shoes, and I'm parked about 2 blocks away. Heck yeah, I take the ride. He first offers me a ride in the back, which causes me to raise an eyebrow. Instead, he lets me ride up front. When we got to the restaurant, he asks me who I'm meeting. When I tell him that I'm meeting girlfriends, he slips me his number.

I get back to my seat, and the girls ask where in the dickens I've been, one girl asked "did you walk a country mile?!" Well no, I didn't. I got a ride for a two block walk :).

Day late, dollar short

I haven't blogged in forever. And yes, quite a bit has happened. But I said to myself, "pheebee, does anyone even read?"

And then I started getting scolded over and over and over again. So, here I am, updating you!

First, let's start with the Titan. It's just as good as any place to start. As it turns out, my tolerance for pretty without substance has gotten longer, but only slightly. Rather than three months, he made it about 4.5. The week before it was over, I talked to him on the phone. It was a Saturday. All day Friday, I hyped myself up to end it. I totally declared it to about 3 different people. Then, when I spoke to him, I punked out. I know, shame on me, right? Instead, exploited a comment that he made (about how I needed to show up in the relationship. Excuse me? He hadn't seen me in 3 weeks at this point, and I needed to show up? Pah!) Anyway, I suggested that maybe we should take a break. He got all puppy dog big eyed on me (yes on the phone, you know the whimpering whiny voice), and convinced me to "have a talk" before taking a break. His reason? He didn't want to get used to not having me around. (Pah!)

Ok, so I tell him I'm going to call him on Sunday for aforementioned talk. And he doesn't answer. He doesn't answer for the entire day. Nor does he call on Monday. So what do I do? I text him on Monday evening and tell him that I couldn't take it anymore. And he proceeds to break it off via text message, saying he never got over the DC trip. What the heck? Well, my pride is hurt, and I'm really irritated that he brought up D.C. again. So I decide to test my theory of how he's so much like the Ninja. Turns out, just as easily manipulated. So we have a text messaging war, and he asks if we can talk on Tuesday while I'm at work.

Let's fast forward ahead to the end of the week. He comes over on Saturday, ostensibly to have the "talk". I say I'm pretty much done with the hanging out portion of the relationship. He says he isn't mentally ready for a relationship. I say I don't want a relationship today, but I want to know whether or not it's in the realm of possibility. Yup, he basically wants to keep hanging out. So I end it. He hangs around the apartment, throwing out every topic he can think of to stall. Finally he leaves. I'm sad, I mope and mourn for three days, and then I'm done.

Now here's the screwy part. Almost 2 weeks later, he calls me at work. Say what? So, I'm all kinds of confused when I answer the phone. And he's all cheery. He wants to see me before going to Rio. Say what? I ask him what for. Frankly, I think that he's just trying to get a little break-up make out before going to Rio, but why? Rio is the land of gettin' it on with hot Brazilian babes. What does he need me for? Anyway, I had plans everyday before he left. In the midst of the conversation, I say something about how we'd ended it. His response -- and, incidentally, the source of my current confusion: "well, we didn't really end it. We just took your advice and took a break."

What? I've never had anyone deny a break up. Any explanations? Haven't heard from him since he got back from Rio. But if the Ninja is any indication, this probably isn't the last of it. Of course, if the Ninja is any indication, I should probably not be talking/blogging/thinking of him, because that's when they tend to pop up.