Thursday, April 27, 2006

Joke of the Day, thanks to Mack the Knife

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Billy." "And what is your question, Billy?" "I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Just then the bell rings for recess.George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right question time. Who has a question?"Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve""And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, what the ---- happened to Billy?

Taking the Day off

Today is my first official day as a Law School Pre-Graduate. Yesterday was my last day as a law student. In an honorable twist, I gave a presentation for my last class, and managed to turn it into a class party. It was really quite exciting. Then, I went to the Terrace with some small group members, followed by dinner at a local Japanese restaurant. It was really nice to end the saga with the same people I started with.

So, this is what it feels like to be nearly done. I gotta admit, on one level, it is great. On another level, I'm a touch anxious. Graduation just leaves me closer to studying for the bar. And being this close to graduation and jobless means some serious upcoming anxiety. Couple that with the lack of love life (although preferable to figuring out post-move relationship it's still kinda sad not to have that someone to whine to) and the constant search for a great dress for graduation, and it's not so great. But, I vastly prefer this negated greatness to the thought of another year in school.

All in all, I think I deserve to take this sunny day off to bask in my limbo.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Gym Etiquette

When is it appropriate to dislodge a wedgie while at the gym? All this pumping iron and elliptical training is causing some serious creepage of my undies. Is it ok to dislodge said undies from my rear end while I am between sets? How about if I am on the elliptical trainer or the recumbent bike? No? Sad.

Usually, the only harm in picking one's arse is the risk of a potential hottie being grossed out. But, is this really a problem in the gym? I've noticed that men aren't so susceptible to flirting when they are mid-rep. So, what's the harm in a little undie shifting?

Ok, ok. There's always a risk. I guess that's life lesson of the day: When working out, always wear a thong.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Platonic Shifts

See what I did there? That was a play on words. I do not, in fact, want to discuss tectonic plates (ooooh, look at the middle school geology being put to use. Boy do I feel educated).

Instead, this is a commentary on my decision to stop with the category shifting. I don't know why I tend to fall into this so much, but I have (guy) friends, who then become more than friends, possibly boyfriends, then back to friends. Or even boyfriends that turn to ex's that turn to sorta friends and back to ex's. Really, these situations can go no where but bad. I cannot be the only person that suffers from this though. So the real question is, why does it happen? I have a few theories:

1. We are too lazy to invest the time and emotion into finding a new person to relate to.
2. We really aren't very good people and no one else wants to be our friend.
3. We are attempting to (re)kindle a relationship that was doomed from the beginning.
3.(a). We are attempting this (re)kindling because there is some sort of spark there, but the spark never catches fire.
4. I ADORE that commercial with the breakdancing worm by Visa. Not really a theory, but it was just on, and I got distracted.
5. We really don't have anything better to do with our time but get into the messiest relationship we can find.

So what can we learn from platonic shifts? Obviously we can't learn to do better, otherwise we would. And learning from our mistakes isn't working either. Therefore, I think we can just use it as an exercise in going with the flow and enjoying the good times while they last. I, of course, suck at that game. This may be why I keep shifting. *Note to self, learn lesson the first (or second, third, or fifth) time.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

A public service announcement

This is just a note, to women everywhere.

1. A man is never going to chase you in his motorcycle, looking in every taxi until he finds you.
(How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days)

2. A man is never going to take you jetskiing on the Hudson River, take you to Staten Island, and show you your relative's signature....particularly if you're a descendant of slaves.
(Hitch)

3. A man is never going to write a book about you.
(The Best Man)

4. A man is never going to ride up on his horse in Central Park as you idiotically run into a stationary object, such as a lampost.
(Will & Grace)

5. A man is never going to rescue you from a tower that you're trapped in, which is guarded by a fire-breathing dragon...particularly if you are expecting reptile balloons afterwards.
(Shrek)

6. You will not have deja vu when you meet your next date, you have not seen him before, once upon a dream.
(Sleeping Beauty)

7. A man is not going to steal a priceless painting from a musuem just because you said you liked it on your first date.
(Thomas Crown Affair)

8. A man is not going to write a musical for you, as a guise for convincing the producer to fund the stage project.
(Moulin Rouge)

9. You will not get a date with the President of the United States just because you insulted him when you thought he wasn't in the room.
(The American President)
9.a. You may get a date with a guy who likes bossy women with this tactic, however. Of course, then you'd be stuck with a pushover.

10. A man is not going to fly to Paris to find you, while you're there at the behest of another man.
(Sex and the City)

11. Your prince is not coming. Not today, not tomorrow, not someday. Get over it and start looking for Mr. Right Now, Mr. Until Further Notice, and/or Mr. Space Holder.
(Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs).

There, now I've dispelled common movie myths. But, in spite of my cynicism (particularly re: true love and soul mates and all that), you should be aware that good fiction is based on reality....maybe there's hope after all.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Report on things

Things that have been said to me:
"But for that sweet sweet bod, we'd all think you were a dude."
"Nice legs, didn't know you had any."
Thanks? I think...

Things that are gross:
1. Finding a hair in your Arapaho Wrap
2. Finding a bug in your Hot Turtle
Incidentally, these are also things that happened to me in the last 7 days.

Things that are adventurous:
1. Riding your scooter with only 1 contact on.
2. Riding your scooter without your helmet.
Incidentally, these are also Things that I found out were adventurous this week.

Things that make me sad:
1. There's a kid that was quoted as saying "marriage is for white people."
2. There are tens of thousands more black men in prison than in college.
:(

Things that make me angry:
1. Gas is $2.79.
2. I spent $30+ filling up my gas tank.
Grr!!!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

From the Mailbag

Dear Ambitious Brain,

I'm not sure what made you think that taking more than a few weeks off from the gym was a good idea. I'm not sure what made you think that suddenly deciding to go without consulting me first was a good idea. I am writing this letter to tell you that both were horrendous ideas.

I have quite enjoyed my time lounging on the couch, just as you have enjoyed watching cable. I didn't think it was the best use of my time, but I got kind of used to it. Your lack of planning does not, however, consititute an emergency on my part. Yes, you have suddenly decided that working out for lengthy periods of time is a good idea. Well screw you, my friend, I ain't in the mood. If you insist on continuing in this course of action, you will be punished. Enjoy not being able to walk, sucker.

Very truly yours,
Your Body

Well dang, what can I say to that but ouch?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

An Endorsement

I have always said, that the rich are silly people...unless they grew up with moderate to low income first. Although that isn't always a guarantee either. ANYWAY...My new guilty pleasure is "The Real Housewives of Orange County." All this show does is prove just how silly the rich are. Some examples:
1. One of the women is putting "CZs" (that's cubic zirconias to you laypersons) in the rims of her truck. The rims which are already hot pink. The CZs are 100+ carats. Really? Can't you find something better to do with your money?
2. There is a guy who's name is Slade. He called his wife dumb and implied it was because she was from Peru. Hmmm. Your name is Slade and you stalked a potential customer while he was with his family at the local Equestrian Center. And your wife is dumb?
3. One of the women says she's going to stay 32 forever. Seriously, grow up. You're going to get old, get over yourself.

Idiots! FYI people, Common Sense is for rich people too. :)

My Irish Whiskey named friend

An away message that is funny to me -- even though they don't explain where my friend is...


"Sometimes I want to clean up my desk and go out and say, respect me, I'm a respectable grown-up, and other times I just want to jump into a paper bag and shake and bake myself to death."

Soooo true.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Nightly Observations

So, last night I went to Flip Night. It was a good time. For those of you that don't know, Flip Night is a drink special at State Street Brats (a registered historical landmark, incidentally). Basically, after you order your drink, if you call the coin toss you get 75% off your drink. Happens every Tuesday night.

Anyway, last night, we went to Flip Night in celebration of black/brown appreciation day. LEO students are taking over the school, and it's very very hot. Brats has even put in a dance floor, and that was very exciting. Here are some things that I observed while having good times @Flip Night:

Pick Up Lines that are Effective (or at least amusing):
1. "What is your name?" "pheebee." "Marry me, pheebee!"
2. "Is it ok that I'm young? I mean, I am graduating."

Pick Up Lines that are NOT Effective (or amusing):
1. "Don't start nothing, won't be nothing" "Hey, I'm not the one who's going to get in trouble." (Said while pointing out a wedding ring). "Well, I'm not from here." Oh of course! Why didn't I think of that. Marriage only counts in your hometown. C'mon!
2. "You're from the M-Dot? Oh, that's the same thing as Madtown." Right, because being 3x bigger isn't going to make a difference. C'mon!!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

City Snob

It took 4 years in IA for me to discover that I am a city girl....or a city snob as some people like to call me. Every once in a while, I need a reminder of why I need to stay far far away from rural areas -- and let me just clarify, rural areas also include suburbia as defined by people in the Chicago metro area.

Today, I was driving about, minding my own business, and I found myself trapped in surburbia. Ok, I wasn't trapped, I was passing through. However, I was in a place whose name began "Village of...". Ugh. It was positively claustrophobic. I even experienced a pretty severe case of road rage. (Why do people in rural areas insist on driving under the speed limit?). There were rolling hills, and fields, and "Main Street." Literally! Main Street was the main street in town. I admit that it was picturesque. But I couldn't wait to see a decent high rise and/or people who would drive the speed limit on a clear sunny day.

The moral of the story, I will not be moving to a place smaller than Milwaukee.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Daily Observations

1. My local bagel shop is now charging 30 cents for bagels rather than 25 cents. In the three years that I've been here, the price has raised by 5 cents. This is definitely an accelerated rate of inflation, but I appreciate the 5 cent increments. Perhaps the person in charge of setting prices for bagels should take over the pricing of stamps. I'm positive the nickel raise did not shock the market the way the post office seemes to believe it will.

2. You should not get engaged unless it is followed by a marriage. My aforementioned ex-fiance and my mother still talk on a semi-regular basis. Why?

3. Lawyers write on legal pads. I hate legal pads. I hate the way the paper flips vertically rather than horizontally. I hate the way you can't save the pages in notebook fashion. I hate that it's such a waste of paper since you can only write on one side of the paper unless you rip it off the pad. Therefore, I cannot be a lawyer.

4. Mothers drive their children insane. I realize this, but my mother is being particularly pronounced. Why wasn't I born an orphan.
4.a. I realized being abandoned as a child is not preferable to having 2 perfectly loving parents. It's the lack of nagging that I'm after.

5. I should never have oodles of time on my hands when I have a project looming. This is the first day of a full week off, and so far the only quasi-productive thing I've done is start my laundry. Notice how I haven't yet started my paper that's due at the end of the semester.

6. An uncanny knack for memorizing phone numbers may lead to trouble after drinking. D'ah well, stuff happens.

7. My resolve to stop swearing as much has been fairly successful. I realize it wasn't in the true spirit of Lent, but I don't remember Lent being a big deal @my church when I was young, and I think the result of my resolution is quite christian-like. In the end, I'll be a (smidgen) better person for it.

8. I have read 2 books that began as blogs. I don't think this is what commentators meant when they said there would be a blog explosion...but I appreciate the broad additions to chick-lit. :)

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Discretionary Award















I would like to present myself with the Shopper's Excellence Award of the Month. I found a fantastic dress to match these shoes. ($56 (on clearance, down from $330!!))

On Employee Shopping Day, I found earrings and a bracelet to match the shoes and dress. ($15)

Then, last night, 3 hours before arrival time, I managed to find a small purse to match the shoes, dress, earrings, and bracelet. ($8)

The joy of feeling pretty and taking pretty pictures....priceless.