Eff 2011. Bring on 2012!

2011 had its ups and downs for me. There were some great but sporadic highs, but also some very low and dark lows. As far as I’m concerned, the second half of the year was more or less a lost year. Which is fine – every year can’t be amazing. As one blogger put it, 2011 blew goat’s balls. That said, things were beginning to get rosier near the end of the year…that is, until December 31, 2011. That’s when 2011 really decided to act a fool.

I’d just completed the first of a four day weekend, and I’d enjoyed myself tremendously. That Friday, December 30, I began my day with some serious sleeping in. Then, I moved on from there to the loafing on my couch portion of the evening. I got in some high quality bad television watching (I’m looking at you Steve Wilkos, Judge Judy, and Dr. Phil). Basically, I spent a day off work the way God intended. The next day, I woke up (after another excellent sleeping-in session) and decided to run some errands and generally get my life together since I figured I’d be too hungover on New Year’s Day to do anything resembling productivity.

First, I proceeded to Target to purchase some holiday storage solutions and an over-the-door hook for my new peacock-feather wreath. After Target, the plan was to go to the grocery store to get various food and sundries for the week, then to Starbucks to get my fix, and then on to Home Goods and the local wine store. After completing my rather productive circuit, I’d head home and get ready for the evening’s pseudo-festivities.

The first stop went well; I was pretty impressed with myself for remembering to take my coupon. Afterwards, I headed over to the grocery store and did some more coupon-saving damage.* Following a bankrupting shopping excursion o’foodstuffs, I then headed over to ‘bux to get a decaf soy latte with honey.**

Finally, it was time to head to Home Goods. It had been over a week and I was worried that the discounted home décor store was starting to miss me. And, I was going for a cookie sheet since I’d mistakenly destroyed mine last month. Upon pulling into the always crowded parking lot, I realized that for the 3rd shopping trip in a row, I’d forgotten the over-the-door hanger for the blasted wreath. S#!&!!! As I sat in the parking lot cursing the fah-reaking peacock wreath that I just HAD to have but so-help-me-was-going-back-to-the-store if I didn’t get a hanger soon, I took a nice long swig of my cooling ‘bux and felt better. Damn peacock wreath was really starting to work my nerves. ANGRYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I got myself into Home Goods and over to the cookie sheet section, I found that they still had an abundance of the brand I wanted. (Rachel Ray’s Oven-Lovin’ Sheet, for those keeping track…). I set my still twee-bit-hot-to-drink beverage on the glass shelf above the cookie sheet, and pulled out GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And there’s my Starbucks, all over the floor. #$&@(#&$@(#@(%*(%_)!&%. [INSERT EXPLETIVES HERE].

I proceeded to the register after informing a nice young man that I’d spilled my basically full cup of coffee all over the floor. When I got to the register, I found out that the cookie sheet was $5 more than I thought – and scratched – but given that I had to hold it flat because it had drippings of coffee on it, I was too embarrassed to ask them to give me a different one. How sad is that?

Since my coffee was gone, after the wine store I went to Chipotle to buy myself a completely unauthorized meal to make myself feel better. (Well that, and because the only calories I’d consumed at this point was 2 sips of my long-lost beverage and a TLC granola bar purchased at Target – when I SHOULD have been purchasing a damn over-the-door hanger). I got myself a nice little burrito bowl, and headed home.

I carry 4 bags of not-very-well packed groceries, my holiday storage solution, and my Chipotle up three flights of stairs. Groceries put away, I reached for the Chipotle bag, which was all wet. Why? Because it had tilted on the way up the stairs and I hadn’t noticed. I lost some of my delicious salsa to the paper bag. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!! That right there? Was the last damn straw that broke the hobbled camel’s back. DAMN YOU 2011!!!! Disgusted, I put the burrito bowl in a non-leaking stoneware bowl, heated it, and demolished the entire thing with a glass of wine.

Take THAT 2011. Just when I thought I’d given you a bad rap, and maybe you weren’t so bad, turns out, you kick me in the teeth on the last day. So screw you 2011! I’m totally leaving you for 2012, and I don’t feel bad about it!


*Including a $5 coupon for razorblades, since I figured it was time to de-fuzz my legs for the first time since the local temperature was above 70 degrees. What? Like you were looking at my tights- or pants-covered legs. Pfft. Don’t judge me.

**AKA a Boston Latte and my newest obsession, thanks to former Masshole kd.