True Story

So, stop me if you've heard this one. But, have I ever told you about my fail at throwing an over the shoulder look?

Nearly 3 years ago now, Jade* and I were out to brunch. Brotha was fiiiiiiiine. I told y'all about it here. He was so pretty that I was having a difficult time concentrating on the conversation with Jade. A good 10 minutes of our conversation went something like this:

Jade: Wahh wahh wahawhah wah wah (Something akin to the adults on Charlie Brown.)
Me: Uh huh...
Jade: Quit lookin' at that man's ass! I see you!!
Me: What?! Oh. I'm not!!!**

Anyway, he never showed for the big Halloween bash that year. Bummer. But, it was just a random guy. So, *shrug* whatever.

Funny thing, I was out for a friend's birthday 2 years later,*** and you'll never believe who showed up. Turns out, he was a friend of a friend of a friend...probably about 4 degrees away. But, I totally remembered him. Which is surprising, because it had been so long! Sadly, he was not nearly as snazzily dressed this time. But, after I figured out where I remembered him from, I tried to remind him. He had the common decency to pretend to remember our conversation and the invite. After talking about 7 minutes, his attractiveness level quickly started to decline. He smoked, he seemed directionless, etc. His decline wasn't a big deal though, because he started out so fiiiiiiiine to begin with.

When it was time for me to leave, I didn't make any particular orchestrations to say goodbye to him. Nor did I hang around and attempt to drop hints that he should ask for my number. As we all know, pretty can only last for so long. So, while it was fun to flirt with him for 5 minutes, he wasn't worth any sort of special effort. That said, that doesn't mean I wasn't going to try to leave a lasting impression, right? Right.

So, I walk out of the lounge, and there's a huge picture window facing the street. I'd already said goodbye to just about everyone, but most of the party was sitting near the window. I was rocking a long black strapless maxi dress, and some big wedges (black, snakeskin, minimal straps that cross around the big toe. Ralph Lauren for those keeping track. DSW, thankyouverymuch). My hair was did, I had on big jewelry, and I'd just applied lip gloss to give my lips that extra shiny hue. I was PREPPED to leave a lasting impression of a night! To make it truly hot, I decided to do it backwards too...in other words, I was going to toss my hair and throw an over the shoulder sexy look. The execution of this move would stir any man to run after me because he didn't get the chance to ask me for my number. I was walking slowly (sexy doesn't rush), I took a step, tossed my hair, and...tripped...In front of the big picture window...Just as he was waving. (So you KNOW he saw me). So what did I do? I did what any self-respecting diva would do...I pretended I wasn't turning to throw my sexy look and scurried quickly to my car. And gunned it.

D'ah well. C'est la vie. Can't be a sexilicious diva all the time, right? (I hear you laughing. It's ok, I'm cracking up myself).



*Jade, the Designer. FINALLY I came up with a handle! Hooray!

**For the record; I wasn't looking at his ass. I'm not really that into butts. I was looking at his shoulders, and fantasizing about caressing that whisper soft cashmere sweater vest he had on. It was heather grey and just begging to be petted.

***This was, of course, back when I still celebrated birthdays.