Working out can be an emotional experience. On Saturday, in an effort to pre-empt upcoming weekend caloric sins, I headed to the gym. I woke up at the crack of dawn (aka 8am) to head to a cardio kickboxing class. (Cardio kickboxing is the class' government name. But Cardio kick-your-ass-twice is the street name). There was a substitute teacher when I got there, and I noticed it was a a teacher that just works my last nerve. Everytime she teaches a class, she spends the first 5-8 minutes talking. She's got somewhat of a high voice, and does all this fake humble ish. Like, "you know when there's a sub, you have to have an open mind." PFFT. Shut up. Anyway, after chattering about goodness knows what, she asked the class if we wanted her to go over the proper form for the kicks and punches. One rather type-A mother who was desperately trying to fit in her workout before returning to a life of playdates and bouncy castles (you know, I imagine), said with a healthy amount of snark "no, just start class." Now, while I agreed with mommy dearest in principle, I thought it was ill-advised for her to make a comment to a cardio teacher. Doesn't she know how it works? If you imply that the teacher isn't working you hard enough, that teacher uses your implication as license to attempt homicide by cardio. And, I had already been a victim of that particular crime earlier this week.
Anyway, true to form, Kelly the kickboxer started class, and proceeded to vicitimize us immediately. Even the warm-up was mind-boggling. She counted every thing on the half count, and a lot of jumping was involved. I didn't really mind that, though. You know what my real problem is with this chick? She was wearing at least 2 if not 3 bras. Her rack was ginormous, and required a lot of suspension and balance in her hardware. She was otherwise extremely toned -- she could've been a wrestler in another life. Suffice it to say that you would not want to meet her in a dark alley when she was pre-menstrual. Yeah, I said it. During the workout, as my muscles slowly began to fill with lactic acid, I started to wonder if my mounting rage was because she had the biggest chest I've ever seen on a fitness instructor, or because I felt like I was cheated out of 10 minutes of class, or if I was just bitter because my skin itched and my lungs were on the verge of explosion. Anyway, at the end of the day, it was very mentally exhausting.
As though my world isn't bizarre enough; I am continuing along my journey through past relationships. As I mentioned before, the Titan really never goes away. We still talk a lot, and we sometimes workout at the same gym. For the most part, our relationship doesn't usually extend beyond weekday chats. But today, as I was completing a day of errands and couponing, I decided I was craving deep dish pizza. Having been well-trained by WW, I knew that I would have to do something to earn it. Fortunately, at the moment I was having the craving, I was also driving past my gym. Which made me think; if there is anyone that I can count on to fulfill a pizza fantasy after working out, it's the Titan. He is a complete gym rat, but also a pizza fanatic. So, I proceeded to call him and tell him that he should come by the gym, and then split a pizza with me. Given his aversion to impulse, I figured he'd say no. But, surprise surprise, he was down! With one caveat, we had to walk to the gym.
It wasn't the distance of the walk, it's maybe 4 blocks, (albeit uphill), but not far. But the thing about that walk, is that it involves walking under an overpass, which houses a place for Hipsters of Tomorrow to meet up. Tomorrow's hipsters are today's skaters. Managing to sag jeans that are 2 sizes too small, find a way to wear plaid and flannel no matter the temperature, and the ubiquitous knit hat is, well, ubiquitous. With all the brooding and teenage flirting going on, it's difficult to watch. That, AND, it's the official pigeon port o' potty of the northwest side. Seriously, I can't take it. But, I wanted my deep dish pizza...so walk we would. Naturally, the Titan picks one of the hottest days of the year to make this walk...and then he proceeds to complain that the a/c is too cold once we reach the gym. *Note: never NEVER walk in 90 degree weather with a man from Memphis.
While we were at the gym, (and he had the audacity to lift hundreds of pounds right in front of me. Tease), I started to notice something. That boy knew a lot of the other gym rats that were there today, including the girl who apparently got her gym locations mixed up. Whereas I was wearing the first pair of workout capris and bright yellow Nike dri fit, with a faded bandana, this chick had on an outfit straight outta Hoochie's Workout Wear. While standing on a bosu (flat-side down -- punk), she did cute little squats in front of a mirrored corner. She was wearing black bootcut stretch pants, with lime green racing stripes which went up the leg and crossed (rather conveniently) at the hip and around the back. Drawing your eye to her nonexistent booty. To match -- and I do mean match -- she had on a lime green zebra striped tank top. Fitted, of course. But, the piece de resistance was...wait for it... an Ed Hardy hat. Who the hell wears an Ed Hardy hat to the gym? After finishing her bosu squats, she made a beeline for the Titan. The entire time I'd been up there, I'm pretty sure he was purposefully avoiding eye contact with me (or...he was watching his form in the mirror. Whatever). Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them talking, and I KNOW he was smiling and whatnot. And she was all "hi, aren't I cute and adorable?!!" *** And then, just before I'd worked myself in a tizzy, he brought her over to meet me. What the devil?! But I have been lifting! And I forgot my gloves, so I look like a total amateur!! and I'm sweaty!! Dammit!
Not surprisingly, she had a little bit of attitude. But meh. Whatever. I didn't tell her he and I used to date -- that's on him to tell her if that's the type of relationship they got. The fun part for me? Knowing that I was leaving with him, and all she could do was huff. HA. Ok, not really. Truth be told, she did give me a little bit of a cold shoulder, but I didn't give her any hint that he and I came together or were planning to leave together. I didn't give any hint that I knew him any better than she did, because really? I'm not one to fight over a guy. He's either mine, or he's not. And when it comes to an ex? He's not. So, meh. No matter the gender though, it's still a bit awkward to meet someone in a gym...when you're all sweaty and gross and whatnot.
That said, the workout and extra mile of walking was totally worth it for the pizza. Yummy! While we were eating, the Titan gave me some insight into dating in 2011 from the male perspective. I opined that men don't court women anymore. He said that lots of guys don't feel they should have to court a woman, since so many of them are dating 2 and 3 guys. Guys don't want to go all in, just to find out he's one of a few guys this chick is seeing. I proceeded to roll my eyes. Sounded like an excuse to put forth the least amount of effort necessary in order to get a piece -- but maybe that's just the cynic in me.
***Ok really? I don't actually know what they were saying or doing. This is totally what I heard in my head.
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