You're under arrest....for real

I came across this news story the other day. And, that led me to let out a silent yelp of joy. (It would have been a loud YAWP*** but alas, I was at work.) If I could put together a fashion police force, I would feel a thousand times better. For those who don't want to click on the link, the essence of the article is that a small town in southern Illinois has passed an ordinance outlawing saggy pants. Violators will be subject to a fine.

Ignoring -- for the moment -- the open invitation for racial profiling; I would like to celebrate this particular movement. Sagging pants have been in style since at least the early nineties, if not earlier. (My most recent memory of them is Kris Kross. But then again, their pants were also backwards). Sagging has got to be the single longest running trend, ever. And it just refuses to die! I just don't understand what the hold up is.

We've all heard the stories about how sagging started in prison, and was indicative of who was willing to get down and who wasn't on the homosexuality tip. And that's all well and good. If you want to rock a jailbird trend, far be it from me to judge. For the first decade. But, we are slowly working on decade number 3, and the trend has no signs of stopping. These idiots are walking around with their pants so low I can definitively tell you the color of their underwear. In order to walk, these idiots have to hold their pants up, to keep them from falling down. Frankly, I think they should just stop wearing pants at all.

The most egregious part of the "evolution" of the trend, is the addition of belts. I guess they got tired of hearing the old folks whine about the lack of belts. But, instead of buying a belt of their own size, and subsequently wearing their pants near their waist, the trend is to purchase a belt the size of the pants, and belt the pants at their knees. ARRRRGH.

Aside from the prison overtone, this trend ticks me off for additional reasons. Allow me to list them for you:
1. It makes a man's legs look like they're 2 inches long. I've never wanted a short man; I've never wanted a man who had a disproportionately long torso. And I don't intend to start now!

2. The holding of the pants. If you're walking about holding your pants up to keep them from falling down, you deserve to trip and fall in a puddle, while a dime piece is looking on...laughing at your dumbass.

3. Finally, you have no business asking for my number. Or hell, talking to me at all. If I can't trust you to buy pants your own size, I can't trust you to do a damn thing else.

Cart them all off to jail if you ask me! Fine them for all they got!!! Just sayin'.


***Give yourself 2 points if you caught that reference.