To refrain....

Recently, I've been on a tour of my dating history (through no fault of my own, mind you). I've enjoyed this little jaunt through my past dating lives, although I would like to know what caused all the boys to come out of the woodwork.

For the most part, they haven't really said anything particularly groundbreaking. There's been a lot of buttering up -- reminding me of how good he was at cooking (Astro); disparaging "the new guy" for not hooking up my surround sound (Titan); telling me he admitted to his friend that he messed up our relationship (the young blood from the southside*). But, the most interesting conversations have been those that I like to call: "Why We Broke Up: A Recap" or "Were We Even In the Same Relationship?!!". It never ceases to amaze me just how clueless a guy can be as to why a relationship ended. Especially when the girl does the ending. Part of me believes that the arrogance of (some) guys won't let them believe that the break-up was their fault. Part of me believes that (some) guys just aren't listening. That auditory fail then results in shock and surprise when the relationship is over. *Shrug*. Either way, the results are the same. I end up spending a couple hours of my life explaining the real reason why relationships end.

There are times when these conversations can be somewhat enlightening. The latest example of this is my conversation with the Titan. He has more or less been in complete denial about the nature of our "relationship" (a term I use loosely) and the reason for its demise. I've been told that it was over on his end because I wanted a boyfriend and he wasn't ready to do that; or it ended because I thought I was just a side-piece; or that it didn't work out because I never gave him a fair chance. The list goes on. It's taken 2 years, but we've finally gotten down to the bottom of why it was over. For the record, my official stance is that it ended because he wanted to keep his options open, and I was done "kickin' it." Last week, he said that he couldn't get serious because the "hot spice" (his words, I swear!!) is an important part of a relationship, and since I wasn't giving it up, he wasn't ready to go all in. I let him know that I'm positive this isn't the first time a relationship of mine has ended for this reason, but he's definitely the first to admit it. He hastily backpedaled and said that he thought it was a good thing "that you're doing" and he understands it. (No guy wants to be known as the guy who broke up with a girl because she wouldn't give it up when he asked). But....(and there's always a but)...he just couldn't do it. He could see himself marrying me (huh?); we always have fun together (we do?); we never run out of things to talk about (say what?); and on and on and on. But, he just couldn't go all in without knowing. So... his solution? Let me share it: "is there anyway there could be a loophole? Say, once or twice a month?" For real. That was it. PAH HAHAHAHAHAHA. And this is the part where I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Ok listen, I know that the hot spice is important. And, I've had that conversation a thousand times. But dude, the whole point of abstaining is that you're abstaining. If you indulge every once in a while, you are no longer abstaining. You're participating.

I also know that I'm in the extreme minority on this issue. (Btw, I'm dancing around the phrasing so this post will remain suitable for work -- and because pheebee's Ma reads the blog. Hi Ma!!!!). But, there are several reasons for me to be waiting. Rather than typing it, I will let someone far more articulate explain it:



And so, I will wait. Alone, apparently.

*Suggestions on a shorthand for that handle are welcome!!