Racial lenses

Sometimes, you have to stop and think about differences. We all know that life in America is experienced differently depending on your race. (At least I hope we all know that. I hope that everyone reading this is not under some delusion that we've officially reached some post-racial world. If you believe that, please put yourself in a time-out until you have a reality check.) But the idea of how that experience is different can often be a vague and amorphous notion. Sort of like you know that horses are fast, the desert is hot, and Danielle from Real Housewives of NJ is crazy.

Ever since moving to Chicago, my racial awareness has been in overdrive. Part of it, I think, is that I am finally comfortable with my identity; and how I operate as a black woman. Another part of it is the rather sharp division of friendships I've fostered in the city. Much like the city itself, my friendships are completely segregated and always have been. There's the Cashmere Mafia, which was made up entirely of women of color, and the Fantasy Football League, which was made up entirely of white women. That said, it wasn't that these groups of women were unwilling to hang out with one another. Kaia is a testament to that, being that she'd hang out with me with both sets...that said, I suspect this lane changing was more of a result of her being a ride or die chick, who's always down. Anyway, my point is, while most everyone was willing to kick it with whomever, the groups generally remained separate, with divergent interests and tastes in activities. (Which incidentally left me in sometimes awkward positions, but that's a post for another day).

Thanks to this slight (major?) shift in my own perception, I've noticed some of the ways in which black people and white people see things. And, as always, I've decided to share those observations here.

#1. Let's start with an easy one, and one that I didn't come up with. (Thanks to the anonymous website commenter who posted this). Ok, picture it. It's a busy street corner in New York. A cab driver is at the end of his shift, and he just dropped off his last fare. He zooms down the street, in a hurry to get home and get the heck out of his cab. A white guy raises his arm to hail the cab, but the driver keeps going. Likewise, up the street a ways, a black guy raises his arm to hail the same cab, but the driver keeps going. What are their likely reactions? I bet the white guy thinks nothing of it, figuring the cab didn't see him, or some other explanation that has nothing to do with him. The black guy, meanwhile, may be more inclined to believe the cab driver intentionally went by, because he's black. (I'm told that hailing a cab in NYC for a black man can be hit or miss). Now, it's not that the white guy is arrogant, it's just that he hasn't grown up in a society where he's ignored on the basis of who he is. At least, not often enough that it'd be his first thought. Meanwhile, the black man has enough anecdotal evidence and personal experience to justify this reaction. The reality here is that this particular cab driver didn't see either guy -- he was just done for the day.

#2. This one just happened to me at the grocery store. I was in the produce section choosing apples. And in a not-the-brightest-moment left my purse in my cart. I'm smart enough to know better, but I did it anyway. So, as I'm leaning over the apple bin, I sense someone near my cart. I look over my shoulder and see that it's a guy – and promptly adjust myself to be closer to my purse, just in case ol' boy gets froggy. Now, if it had been a black man, I would have felt guilty, because the whole reason I was moving was to protect my purse, and I'd feel bad if he thought I was doing it because of a reaction to
a stereotype -- rather than because I live in a city where people steal things. However, it wasn't a black man. It was some white guy, who when I shifted said "oh no, you're fine." He thought I was shifting because I was politely moving out of his way. At this point, I found myself feeling slight indignation. Look man, everyone isn't here to make your life easier! I'm moving because you're standing too effing close to my purse!!! Why don't you understand that?!!??!! Rather than point this out, I merely reminded myself that this is a situation that racial lenses will change a perception quick and in a hurry. But I admit. I'd feel a whole lot better if just once that guy knew what it was a like for someone to pull their belongings in a little bit closer just because he walked down the street. There, I said it.

So what does all this mean? I have no idea. My thing is, I can see all of these things happening, and I know what my reaction is, but I don't think there is a wrong way or a right way to react to these things. I think what's important is to first observe the differences-- then and only then can we begin to work on solutions.